Moving on

Well Done!  That's great!!

Hello Mark, it's all so very raw for you . Not many men reach out for support . I'm sorry you felt so desperate as to take an overdose ,but I can understand why. It was a cry for help . Feeling such excruciating pain at your loss. I hope you have some good support now. Well you say moving on , but it's easier to say than to do. But there are things we can try to help us cope a little better . You've made the first move which is good. Ask your Doctor if He/ She can find a Bereavement Therapist you can talk to. I contacted Cruse , but they are so stretched it was 6 months before I had my first call , I did see a counsellor at the Doctors for about 10 weeks before . She was a nice young Lady , but not Bereavement specialist. And hadn't really experienced a significant loss ,so they can empathise , but not really understand what we go through. But at least I could talk to someone about my feelings etc.  The Lady from Cruse was very good , more Upbeat ,but not overpowering. A good listener and was helpful in the questions she asked getting me to open up. But only 6 x 1 hour phone calls which wasn't enough. So do get in touch with them and get on the list as you will have a wait. Hopefully not as long as mine. I listen to Podcasts for Widows on You tube . They are helpful  , done by Widows and some men . Karen Sutton The Widow coach is very good . She has a few Widowers joined her . She is very down to Earth with good advice . She can relate to how we feel. She has guests on who talk about their Experience . And as on here .it helps to read other peoples stories which we can relate to.  Have you tried Painting ? It can be very Therapeutic . Perhaps join a class . Or try a Yoga class . That's one thing I'm doing and there are 3 men go. My son has started yoga classes too. So its not just for Women. Also Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Writing letters to your Wife . I'm trying to do that , not as much as I should perhaps . I don't know what else to suggest . We are all struggling to cope ,so you aren't the only one . I hope some of these suggestions help. 

There should be a support group in your area. Ask your Doctor if there is anyone you can speak with or perhaps a group in your area. There are a few things you could try . Painting is great therapy. You don't have to be brilliant ..anyone can paint . And it's very therapeutic. You might even want to join a class . Often there are local groups who don't charge a fortune .I am going to yoga classes with my sister Our eldest son  has started going in his area. There are 3 men at ours , so not just for Women. Have a look at Podcasts on You tube . There are some good ones for Widows and a few for Widowers. Karen Sutton the Widow coach is good . She helps men as well as Women. They are speaking and advising from Experience which makes a lot of difference . They have guests on telling their stories and it can be helpful to hear that you are not alone in what you are going through. Read the comments they help you realise that there are so many of us going through the same Painful experience . I hope some of these suggestions help. I'm trying everything hoping it will get me through this , the worst experience of my Life . Do reach out for help. And try keep in contact with your family/friends  or at least for some support. 

At first I was existing on Autopilot and  I think in denial too. I would leave the room and go cry in another room, but Our youngest son would follow me. Try talk some sense into me . After a few weeks though he got fed up of telling me it wasn't my fault my Husband died . I should have got him to the Hospital sooner . We had tried to get the Doctors to realise how poorly he was , but doors seemed to be constantly closing. They would just write him another prescription. In the end I feel I gave up on him just as they had. And now I'm so angry with myself and carry a lot of heavy guilt. I would keep myself busy all day trying to distract myself from the thoughts and various overwhelming emotions. But we can't avoid this Horrid thing called grief ..it waits for us. I lost a lost of weight and wasn't sleeping . I looked Haggered and aged about 20 years. I went to the Doctors for sleeping tablets . I was totally exhausted ..and that makes everything even harder to cope with. Don't try pretend you are Ok , Obviously you aren't . none of us are. I felt like I was going crazy. And still do at times . I get Angry mainly with myself and the Medical profession who let us down so badly . If people around us see we are trying to carry on they think we are coping . When in fact we try to hold it together in front of people. My eldest Sister has tried her best to support me . I don't ask for anything she has her own troubles. And even if I do talk about how I feel she doesn't really want to hear it. I know I'm no fun to be around . But it's amazing how quickly those who you would expect support from forget and carry on with their own lives. 

You've done well to carry on with the Household chores. some days I can get lots done and other days I think whats the point.  Just do what you feel up to as each day you have to take one at a time. That's all we can do. 

This really is a supportive and caring forum. Thank you for all the comments and encouraging words. It is a week since I stupidly ended up in A & E. It hurts how much I miss Anne but there have been some more positive steps. I went to watch the football team I support with my 3 sons today. Things seem fine with my eldest now. Saturday nights are the hardest but somehow, I'm muddling through.

It is terribly upsetting when the medical profession gets it wrong. My husband was told he had 18 months to two years. In the end, it was five months. This was after all of the scans. We were meant to be moving to The West Country, but that was not possible. I still have terrible flashbacks from when we were told he had two to three weeks. My poor darling said to the Consultant, “but you told me I had two to three months”. It was heartbreaking, and part of me will never recover from that. It is 19 months, and I am still taking one day at a time. Sending hugs to all, Kate. xxx