Heart pain

I know something of how you are feeling: I don't think grief is a steady trajectory. It's maybe two steps forward, then one stop back. Or even no steps forward and all the way back. The only thing that will make things better is the impossible thing: the return of our beloved. Be kind to yourself and take it one day - or one hour - at a time. Is there anything you do that distracts you or brings you closer to your beloved in a gentle way? For me, it's tending the allotment we shared for 25 years and preparing his poems for publication. I know others find solace in making art, gardening or looking after grandchildren. There's no easy answer but thinking of you. 

I have my 1st grandson due in May and still say if I had a choice of being with him or staying here I'd go, awful thing to say I know. I had day in London sat with friends but was hard as can see him everywhere with me as we used to go alot to shows and gigs so even being on the underground I can see him standing there. Some days I get through it , I've just been really feeling it today my heart is literally hurting with pain. Feel like I'm 52 and got nothing to look forward to, i say to my mum I better not be here till I'm old now and she tells me off 

Have you sought any kind of counselling or support? Perhaps you should talk to your GP? Grief is a spectrum. I'm 68 and I don't find joy in life at the moment, and maybe I never will again in the same way, but I know I have to carry on for the sake of our children and to honour my husband's life. It sounds as though you might have a more extreme emotion and that some external, professional help might be worth enquiring about? Take care. 

Hello Heartbreak. 

So sorry to read how you are feeling but I think we all get it and have been where you are. Oh yes the dreams I have them often too and they are very vivid and feel so real even after two and half years and you wake up and then realise that that was all it was just a dream. To me they are somewhat a comfort I look on it that he is `visiting` me and just let me know though I can't see him he's still around somewhere looking after me. Grief has no time limit and you can't say when and if you will ever feel the same again so anyone who thinks after a year that you should be `over it` maybe has no idea of what grief feels like and I will put my hands up to that because I used to think the same thing but you need it to happen to you personally before you find out how it really is. Yes you do try to be sociable and I agree there it can be hard when you are on your own. But you know just to keep coming here when you feel the need as we do all get it. Best Wishes moving forwards. Take Care. 

Vicky x.