Finding it hard to get over loss of Wife in December 2025

Hi Sanspeur,

 I am sorry you are now on this crap path. You just have to try and look after yourself at the moment. Try and eat, drink plenty of liquid, if you are crying a lot you will be dehydrated and sleep. Trust me I know these are hard. Your brain will be all over the place at the moment.  If you have support please use it. If you need a duvet day or go for walk do it. This is your grief journey, don’t be bullied into how you should be feeling or what you should do. Just take minute by minute, then hopefully hour by hour.  It really is one step at a time.

Please look after yourself and rant or ramble on here, I am afraid we will understand. 

Take care

I am very sorry to read your post. But I can fully relate to how you are feeling. My wife died a little over two years ago - and I am still totally lost.

Like you, I guess, my wife and I dealt with the appointments, the treatments, and the ensuing problems together, as a team. And I knew that we would manage that. But I was always terrified of the void which would - at some stage - subsequently open up for me. And, now that I'm in that void, all I can think is: 'now what?'

However - I know that I need to carry on. And so do you: in loving memory of your wife.

It won't be easy. And your grief will currently be overwhelming. But you are among friends here, who fully understand your pain, and who are willing you on.

I send you my love and best wishes. We are all dealing with an intolerable turn of fate. But, together, we will manage it.

Hello Sanspeur

I know only too well about cancer returning. I lost my husband 2 and a half years ago to bowel cancer. He was diagnosed in 2021 and went in to get his tumour removed in January 2022. He went into remission after his oncologist telling him they had got it all. Five months later though it was back. At his post surgery appointment I did question his oncologist about have a course of post op chemo or radiotherapy just to make sure it had all gone but was told it wasn't necessary and if not necessary they don't do it. But five months down the line when he saw his surgeon for a follow up appointment she took some bloods and a couple of weeks later he got a letter to say his CEA markers had risen and another CT scan was requested which confirmed the cancer had come back. He was absolutely devestated as you could imagine. He was then tried with a new form of chemotherapy but unfortunately this caused kidney damage and had to be stopped and a double nephrostomy was performed to help his kidneys drain properly this consisted of two thin tubes being inserted into his back with drain bags attached. He also had to have a stoma bag fitted after his bowel operation and also a urinary catheter. So he just took all they could throw at him bar the kitchen sink until he could take no more and until they said they had exhausted all avenues and he became terminal. Four bouts of sepsis followed and that along with his advancing cancer just took him in the end and he passed in June 2023. He fought hard though for those 3 years but just gave up at the end. I have found this forum a godsend and it is a good place to come when you feel the need for some support because we all get it in what each other is going through. Just reading the posts of others maybe going through the same feelings or problems as you are is a great help and good to know its something you can relate to and its not just you that feels like this. My best wishes to you moving forwards when you can. Take Care. 

Vicky. 

Hi sanspeur

Im sorry to read your post and that you have to join this sh*t life which we all here are experiencing and understand.

My husband died in October so im still reeling. He had a rare sarcoma, thought they got it all but found it had spread 6 months later. He was gicen 12 to 18 months and got just a year.

You will feel very raw, its so recent for you. Have you had the funeral yet, if there is one?

Somehow you just function hour by hour, day by day. I still cry a lot. I have learned to set a low bar of expectation for myself, when there was all the paperwork to do, i just did one thing each day. There are still some I havent done yet. If you have support around you, take it. A neighbour brings me home made soup whenever she makes some and things like that really help. Equally its ok to say no if you dont want to see anyone. 

Keep talking, it helps, whether its here or with friends, we all get it here and are at different points after the death of our spouse, and its ok to just say how you feel.

Virtual hug coming your way x