Hello - I'm new to this space but just want to reach out. My situation is slightly different from the topic heading, as in I am not a bereaved spouse. However....
My daughter died aged 34 in November 2024 - she had a brain tumour and underwent two years of treatment but ultimately (as the tumour was not operable) nothing worked. She had been with her partner for 8 years and they were due to be married but due to her illness it didn't happen (the last planned date was the day after she died - she was cremated in her wedding dress). Her partner was very good with her and stayed, although he found it difficult, but he was kind and caring (although she did spent a lot of time living back at home).
He left his job in September of last year and has been travelling for the last few months. He was the only beneficiary and got a large payout so has rented out the flat they shared together and off he went. We were and still are close, he was the son in law that I never had and we are in contact fairly regularly.
My grief is different from his. My daughter was beautiful and kind and they would have had a great life together but sadly not to be. He is writing a blog and I have been reading it but every time he mentions a females name (he is staying in hostels so will be meeting lots of people from all walks of life) my hackles rise! Recently he has been mentioning one name only and I think they are travelling together. Why can't I just be happy for him that he might have met someone and is just getting on with his life? He is a mid thirties healthy male so it is no surprise that he is not going to be living like a monk but why do I feel so sad? i keep thinking of all the things that he and my daughter would have done together - she would have loved to go travelling but the cancer took that away. She was beautiful inside and out and he is going to have such a massive job finding someone who comes anywhere near to her perfection ( I know I am biased).
I spoke to a friend and she suggested just deleting the blog and not reading it and I think i will take her advice as every time I read of his adventures and he mentions this ladies name it makes me so sad.
I felt the same when my Mum died (she was only 63) - he met someone about 18 months after Mum died and I wanted to be happy for him but inside I felt it was a betrayal to my Mum. I had visions of her in Heaven looking down at him and being sad that he was with someone else. I know it is possoible to love two people and folk do move on after bereavement but it just makes me so sad. I do wonder if my daughter had a conversation with her partner before she died and
whether she would have given her blessing to him meeting someone? I might be massively overthinking and she might just be a travel buddy but they seem to be spending lots of time together.........I know I should be happy for him and I would never actually say anything but it just makes me so sad and think of all the things my daughter never got to experience.
I will delete the blog and put my head in the sand and maybe find it is nothing? We did joke about me going out to see him but I don't think I could if he has met someone to replace my darling daughter.
I miss her so much - why is life so cruel.
