I'm finding it so hard

Hi nicange

7 weeks is not long, dont worry about the financial stuff too much. In order of priority i did tell us once first, that will help with things like your council tax, his tax and if he was on any benefits.

Then i did the banks, one was easy, the other has been a complete pain. If he had an ISA, ask about an inheritance ISA.

Then i did pension companies because I only work 2 days so need his small pension to pay the bills. They were sorted fairly quickly. As Nick was 49, was he emplyed because there should be a death in service or survivor pension or both, depending on who was his employer.

Then i started probate which took me several weeks waiting for ID from the other executors.

Only after that did i do things like utilities, many of which were online

I still have some things to do and Im 3.5 months in. Slowly they will get ticked off.

If he had a will and you are exector it can be time consuming especially if its complicated but if there is a soliciter already involved they will do most of it. Just get a fee up front if you can.

Yes the world moving on is hard. And its quick. I cant believe we are half way through January. 

Keep talking, we are supportive bunch x

Hi CharlieH

I can only echo what everyone else here is saying. It is very early days for you and it will be very raw. I lost my husband 2 and half years ago to bowel cancer and am just going into my 3rd year without him and some days I still can't comprehend he is gone. I have managed on my own so far and just wonder what he would make of me ploughing through each day without him. I sometimes wonder why I am still here and he isn't but I have a son and daughter in law and two lovely little granddaughters who all keep me going as well as an older sister who I now look after. She has learning and mental health issues and needs me for a lot of things she lives independently on her own but there are a lot of things where I need to be here for her. She has a few health issues going on too also including cancer which she has beaten for a 2nd time so in a way I am here for a purpose. Everything you are feeling now is normal I think we all here can agree to that. Just keep coming here when you feel the need to as we all get it and it's good to come on and read other posts which can relate to what you are feeling or going through. I wish you well moving forwards when you feel you can. Take Care. 

Vicky 

Oh I do feel for you, mine went in similar circumstances in Oct re the breathing and up til that point was pretty traumatic. I still have the flashbacks but all I can say is be kind to yourself and just think, you still get up every day despite it all, there must be some hope for the future xx 

 Your story sounds very similar to mine. My hubby died on 26th November 2025 ,3 months after diagnosis , his funeral was on the 17th December & it would have been his birthday on 23rd December. His last few weeks in hospital were horrendous due to lack of care. The only decent care he received was the last 2 days when I managed to get him into the local hospice. I will never forgive the staff at the hospital for the way my hubby was treated.I still have flashbacks.

I managed to get through his birthday, Christmas & New Year with the help of my son, sisters & friends. There were plenty of tears but also some laughter. I try to take each day as it comes & i'm having more days without tears now. I'm going back to work later this month & my work colleagues have been great throughout my 6 months off work. I pop in to see them most weeks so they know I will have my off days.

Have you thought about counselling. The hospice have offered me it , also my employers  but I dont think I 'm going to take them up on the offer but I know its there if I need it.

If you dont work, would you consider volunteering somewhere..It would help you take your mind off things for a few hours. Just getting out of the house & going for a walk might help aswel. 

I went back to work on a phased return but actually feel it was too soon. I have a lovely team, but  achange in line manager has been unsettling and its not going as well as I would have liked. Ive asked for an extra bit of time to build up my hours but dont know if I will get it. I dont want to go back off sick again as I think it wwill be even harder to go back.

Im pretty low this week. Its sh*t isnt it?

I have just been to a welfare meeting in work. I won't be getting phased return as OH haven't ticked the box on the form..i'm using leave to do short days for a few weeks. I have to use most of my leave up before 1st April as I can only carry 2 weeks over.