Family issues

This is awful. Did your husband leave a will and are you the executor? They have no right to demand to look at your personal documents and if they choose to be uncooperative - or act to sabotage such an important event as a funeral - then that's on them. You have honoured your husband. Family members can be downright rude and disrespectful. When my husband's oldest brother, who couldn't fly from Canada for the funeral, but came on holiday later and spent the whole hour talking about himself before suggesting that a family member who had abused my husband should be involved in a memorial event, I told him that I was glad that Bruce was dead so that he couldn't be hurt any longer. You are a strong person and you do not need to put up with such abuse. If they arrive at your house, don't let them in!

Hi nicangel, i am sorry to read about your husband, it will still be very raw for you. My husband died in October so not that long ago.

As wesurvived said, they have no right to demand to see or take anything. You are his wife. I do hope there is a will and if you are at all concerned about them interferring, then do see a soliciter. I hope you can find the strength to turn them away if they turn up again. 

You did what you and he wanted for the funeral, it doesnt matter what they think if they couldnt be bothered to contribute. He was your husband not theirs and you are his next of kin. Do you have any children?

We are a supportive bunch here so do keep talking, we all get it. 

Virtual hug coming your way

Hi thanks malengwa and wesurvived for replying.  I just needed someone to say im not imagining how horrible it all is.

We didn't have children sadly my only family now are my brother, sister in law, neice and nephew. They have been great, helped me so much.  I am so grateful not to be alone.  I don't think id make it if I was.

There was no will, I got upset every time it was mentioned and we never managed it.  I've been given details of a solicitor so I will get them to help.

The panic and the feeling of been terrified just come too easily.

Thank you again for listening

Nicangel you have honoured your husband with the funeral you wanted for him. 
If his family couldn’t be bothered to support you on such a traumatic day of his passing, nor to help you arrange the funeral, then that says so much about them. Not about you. 

You are incredibly vulnerable at this very moment so I urge you to
1 - do not let them step foot inside you and your husbands home under any circumstances!!
2 - please do speak to a solicitor, especially as there is no will. This is going to be a difficult and confusing time with all the paperwork and you should have e professional advice. 

His family sound toxic. Sadly, some of us on here are finding we have a toxic element entered our lives. Mine is one of my own brothers.  
But we can cut that toxicity out if we are able to. I don’t answer the phone to my brother anymore. 
At least, not since he called and said his wife knows exactly what I’m going through as she lost her dad 2 years ago. And I shouted down the phone “If she knew exactly what I’m going through I wouldn’t be talking to you because you’d be effing dead”

Keep coming here to vent, ask advice, share. We are all at different timelines - my beautiful Valen was ripped from me 13 months ago. 
This family cares x

So well put mrs VT.

Nicangel,

I am sorry you are on this crap path. I hope you are looking after yourself.  I would see a solicitor and cover yourself, you do not need this rubbish now.

You would have done your husband proud a the funeral. I did my wife's on my own,every one said it was a good send off. You will second guess you're self. You did your best and your husband will know that.

Take care. 

It’s actually 15 months since my beautiful Valen was taken. 2 months longer without him. But time has stopped meaning what it used to.

My husband passed away just over 13 months ago. It was second time around for us both. He was cremated, his sister asked for some of his ashes for the family plot. I was uncomfortable splitting his ashes but for the sake of family harmony I gave in.

When the headstone was updated, there was no mention of the fact he was my husband. Just son, brother, father.It breaks my heart to think that anybody who reads it will think he was alone when he died. He was so very loved.  The fact that my sister in law is best friends with his ex wife complicates matters and I think that it was to appease her that no mention was made of the fact he was a much loved husband.

I haven’t been able to have any contact with my sister in law since she sent me a picture of the headstone. I know that my husband would not have been happy with her choice.

1. Family relationships can be difficult at the best of times but when it involves second marriages it complicates things even more. My boys tell me that I did the right thing to try and keep the peace but it still hurts so very much.

Aww Esme21 that's awful.  I just don't know how people can do these things without thinking of the person who has gone and how upset they would be if they knew.

It's beyond horrible.  

I'm trying to hold onto hubbie being at rest and settled and away from all this.  I hope you can too  but I know its hard.

Sending hugs

My beautiful Valen’s family also wanted some of him after he had been cremated. 
But he had explicitly said he did not want to be “divided” out. 
This created some tension with especially his parents. 
However he had expressed his horror of being separated to the funeral parlour lady who was able to back me up. 
And when I had my meeting with the church Father I had mentioned it to him as he asked. 
So his devoutly religious parents accepted his word. 
So I am lucky that they did actually, after some upsetting for me words, accept his wishes.

I am in the process of getting a bench dedicated to him. 
I wonder if it’s something you might think about doing in the future where you can have inscribed your love for your husband, and of course his love for you. You don’t need to mention his familial connections. It could be just the 2 of you.