Hi My husband passed away 3 weeks ago. I am heartbroken. He was my world and now he's gone. I have no idea how to carry on. I don't know if i can.
His family since he passed away have been at first silent then demanding and absent.
On the day he passed away his dad and brother came to our house from the hospital and said they wanted to go through his papers. I was too shocked and upset to go to a pub and have dinner with them, they weren't happy about that. I thought they'd understand. The next day they came and started going through his papers, pulled a load out of his things and plonked them on the coffee table. Then as they went through said to each other "oh have you seen that figure "
They then left that day and didn't return till 2 weeks later his dad said he wanted to get into our loft and look through all our things. I asked him not to politely saying its just trinkets up there, keepsakes.
He stormed off chucking the Eulogy he wanted to do at me and saying burn it if you like. He didn't meet with the celebrant
Noone came to help me from his family re setting up the funeral. His dad called while I was in the funeral directors and his only suggestion was we make it the new year as 80 of his friends and family couldn't make it due to Christmas. I couldn't leave my husband for that long. It's not fair.
At the funeral they didn't greet me. Not even a handshake. His brothers wife and children didn't even look at me. They sat on the other side of the ceremony room.
His dad came up to me after at the wake and said i apologise i thought this would be no good and noone would come. That was it. I was beyond angry and hurt and confused. Was I supposed to send my husband off with no good send off? What sort of person does he think I am?
He spoke to my neice and her boyfriend and told her the service was very one sided. I had no input from them. I included as much as I could think of.
I just want to know if im right? Is there something else I should've done? They have never liked me, ive known that for 20 years but I thought they'd respect my husband. I thought they loved him.
Hubbie would be devastated. I keep saying sorry to him. I haven't honoured him. The thought that he's not at rest because of all this is the hardest thing.
This is awful. Did your husband leave a will and are you the executor? They have no right to demand to look at your personal documents and if they choose to be uncooperative - or act to sabotage such an important event as a funeral - then that's on them. You have honoured your husband. Family members can be downright rude and disrespectful. When my husband's oldest brother, who couldn't fly from Canada for the funeral, but came on holiday later and spent the whole hour talking about himself before suggesting that a family member who had abused my husband should be involved in a memorial event, I told him that I was glad that Bruce was dead so that he couldn't be hurt any longer. You are a strong person and you do not need to put up with such abuse. If they arrive at your house, don't let them in!
Hi nicangel, i am sorry to read about your husband, it will still be very raw for you. My husband died in October so not that long ago.
As wesurvived said, they have no right to demand to see or take anything. You are his wife. I do hope there is a will and if you are at all concerned about them interferring, then do see a soliciter. I hope you can find the strength to turn them away if they turn up again.
You did what you and he wanted for the funeral, it doesnt matter what they think if they couldnt be bothered to contribute. He was your husband not theirs and you are his next of kin. Do you have any children?
We are a supportive bunch here so do keep talking, we all get it.
Virtual hug coming your way
Hi thanks malengwa and wesurvived for replying. I just needed someone to say im not imagining how horrible it all is.
We didn't have children sadly my only family now are my brother, sister in law, neice and nephew. They have been great, helped me so much. I am so grateful not to be alone. I don't think id make it if I was.
There was no will, I got upset every time it was mentioned and we never managed it. I've been given details of a solicitor so I will get them to help.
The panic and the feeling of been terrified just come too easily.
Thank you again for listening
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