Christmas

Accepting the loss of someone you love so much is unbelievably hard. I look at David's photo and my brain and my heart don't seem to comprehend how he can just not exist any more. I collected his ashes yesterday but there is no comfort in having them. The pain is real physical pain. I hate the idea of a future without him, I can't see the point. Tonight things are bad, maybe tomorrow I'll feel more able to cope. This is so hard. Sending love to every one of you in this awful situation. xx

This will be my 3rd Christmas without my soul mate died October 2022. Haven’t put any decorations since his death and don’t think I’ll ever do again. As others have said it’s your choice and do what feels right for you  Our 2 children have always come to us for Xmas but know there’ll  be a time when they won’t which I’m dreading. Still have his ashes as feel some comfort knowing he’s still in the house

I know I’m a bit of a crazy woman, that’s what grief does to you. 
But I have just come to bed. 
I have carried my beautiful Valen in from the conservatory to the bedroom as I do every night. 
And tucked his pyjama top around him so he doesn’t get to cold. He hates the cold. 
Every morning I take him back out to the conservatory so he can look out at the garden while I’m not there.

See. Crazy woman!

Though I talk to him constantly, whether at home or on my walks, at the end of the day I sit on the edge of the bed and tell him about the day I’ve had. 
And have a cry. 
I’ve been doing that for 15 months and guess I will for many years to come. 

It’s what feels right for me. What works for me. At least for now.

MrsVT, You are not crazy, we all do daft things,  just to survive this loss. Like you said what works for you. 

Hello Minnie

My 3rd Christmas without my hubby too he passed in June 2023. I still have his ashes too. He was never a one for Christmas and was a bit `bah humbug` about it all. My son has taken over the hosting for Christmas from his dad and I and my sister go there now. I could never match hubby's Christmas dinner that was his thing. Never liked Christmas but loved doing the Christmas dinner. The irony. Hope like me you will find a way thorugh it. Take Care. 

I’ve so far been getting through with a slew of films - Poseidon Adventure, Alien, Jurassic Park series of films, And Then There Were None. 
Decidedly not seasonal

My husband was diagnosed on 11 December last year and we were told he had months. You mention the flashbacks. Oh my...how painful these are. I hate them. The pain, the horror, the disbelief, the reality, the loss. Sometimes I don't know how I keep on.

So true.

Lovely wee Christmas Day yesterday. Just being with the family for a few hours and some food. No cuddles from baby granddaughter as she slept most of the time but time for cuddles another day.  Oldest granddaughter happy with what was in the bag `Santa` left at grans for her. Then sister and I came back home and for me it was PJ's, Prosecco and TV and for her quiz shows and tea. Perfect end to the day.

The flashbacks creep up on you when you don't expect them and drag you back to those traumatic times. They can take your breath away.