So, the last week or so has been a bit horrible. I have been feeling really down and really feeling the change in season this year with the shorter days and longer nights. I have been hearing of some people I know passing and becoming ill also. A neighbour who lives across the road from me passed away a few weeks ago with cancer and I didn't find out until last week. I did go and pay my respects though at the service at the crematorium she has lived here for quite a few years with her son and her husband they have been here before we moved here some 30 odd years or so. Didn't really take much to do with them but she never passed you by in the street and always said hello when she saw you. My neighbour next door has also just been diagnosed with stage 3 bladder cancer he has been ill for a couple of years but just found this out a few weeks ago they are hoping they can treat it though so fingers crossed for them. They have lived here quite a number of years too and their family grew up here. Their two girls were part of the `wee gang` that all played here at one time including my own son. My mum was gone 29 years ago yesterday as well (16th Nov) and it was my mum and dad's wedding anniversary on Saturday (15th Nov). This has all been a bit triggering for me and made me think about Jay even more and it has never really bothered me years before but just realising now how horrible this time of the year can be. Used to quite like this time of the year cosying up in Pjs at night and watching rubbish TV. Everyone is at home more and you don't really see anyone during these short winter days and longer nights. I know its just the time of year but just wondered if anyone else ever feels like this during these months.
Hello PattyK. In the past, this time of year has never bothered me. However this is the first winter on my own and I know what you mean. I've had a busy day including company this afternoon but then time has dragged by tonight. Guess I should have gone to bed by now though...should be asleep. xx 
I get that too Clazz. Sleep patterns are all over the place for me just now too. I either sleep to much or too little and these shorter days and longer nights make it worse. Its still pitch black about 7 in the morning and this throws you off I think. Me too I should try to go to bed that bit earlier at night. It's usually past 12 before I go to bed and all I'm doing at that time as I said is watching rubbish TV
I know I have got into a terrible habit of watching a cozy crime programme - Midsomer Murders, Brokenwood Mysterries, Sister Boniface. Then snooze off watching old Pottery Throwdown, Bake Off, Sewing Bee.
Wake up with a start around 12. But am then wide awake so no point going to bed.
More of the above, bit of jigsaw while listening to a podcast.
Bed nowish, which is 2. Listen to more podcast and drift off about 3.
So in some ways the getting dark earlier has made no difference except blinds closing earlier and the candles and fairy lights on earlier.
I have found myself going into the garden when it’s dark staring at the stars like I did this time last year.
For me, it’s the Christmas preparations being so damn early.
The street decorations went up this week.
Nearly all the shops are Christmas-ified.
A couple of Christmas movie channels have appeared.
Even flipping Heart are playing Christmas songs!
Though he would tut about it all, my darling LOVED Christmas.
All the mince pie and pudding taste testing.
Pouring over the food brochures from the supermarkets, marking them up.
And we always ended up with him cooking the same thing 
Last Christmas was my first without him. He had been taken from me only 3 months before, so it was still all incredibly raw.
This year, I cannot avoid the reality of him not being here. Though I am still be in disbelief, confused and lost, there is no hiding from it.
I don’t want my loved ones to not celebrate and enjoy themselves.
I just don’t want to see it.
