If you're feeling betrayed...

Thank you for this honest analysis. It is so much to deal with, when we are at our most vulnerable. People are frightened of death, perhaps they think it is catching. I personally think, they lack humanity and compassion. I will walk my own path, and will still be a decent human being. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

Agree with you on all points x

I agree with all this. I think I forget that I'm vulnerable because everyone keeps telling me I'm strong and tough. Only just had the funeral. They say I'm doing well, but its all a front, a survival mechanism. They don't see me sobbing into my pillow every night.

I agree, Kate,  people are frightened of death and don't know what to say. I found Cruse helpful for advice and want to wave it under everyones nose.

Yes, the survival mechanism is strong. I hope the funeral was bearable. The Cruse website is very helpful, particularly in the early days. I learnt a lot. I tend to do therapy every day on myself. (It saves a fortune). Sending huge hugs, Kate. Xxx

Coming here is just therapy itself for me because we all get and can relate to what one another is going through. I'd be lost without this forum when I feel at my lowest. 

Me too. I am quite low at the moment. I am fed up feeling like this. I am trying so hard. I have been offered anti-depressants but I don’t want to take them. Kate. Xxx

This resonates with me at the moment. I feel like I’m betraying my husband because I’m getting up every day and still living, when he isn’t here to do the same.

I mainly feel numb but the antidepressants have pretty much stopped my tears. I go through the motion of life and then feel guilty because I seem to be coping and getting through the days, when I didn’t think I would be able to when my husband was first diagnosed and we were told there was no cure. 

I feel lost. I wish my husband would come back. I love bedtime because he sometimes visits me in my dreams but I’m feeling guilty for getting through each day without him. Is this normal?  I read a lot of people on here aren’t coping well. Am I not grieving properly yet? It’s been six months now. I can’t bear the thought of therapy and talking about my loss. It feels too painful so I’m just getting up and acting like a robot, desperate for bedtime. 

I’m not sure how to cope with this. 

I'm fed up too. This never ending horrible place to be. I too am fed up with people telling me I'm doing well. They have no idea. How can they? I get up. I do what has to be done. Is that doing well? It doesn't feel like it. But every time I don't get the text answer I want, or a friend is  unavailable and doesn't answer (even though I see they've read my message, ) I feel neglected and rejected. I don't think that's true at all - I have wonderful friends and family, but it's how I feel. I can't help it.  I've cried all day. So sick of this. And the thought that it's for the rest of my life too is hell. 

The dreams sound lovely, I get them too. I did bereavement therapy at three months, but it didn’t really make any difference. I have learnt that there is no “Normal” way to grieve. All I have is my honesty. This period of my life, is the most painful and savage experience that I have ever been through. I am not sure how I have got through the last 15 months to be honest. Kate. Xxx

I went through that stage. Now, I don’t expect any texts or people checking up on me. In a weird way, it works. When I get one, I am quite surprised.