October 17th was the 4th anniversary of my darling wife's passing, October is always a difficult month but this year it's tougher than ever. We met later in life, both divorced & we were perfect together all we had was complete, total love for each other. Life was perfect in every way & Sharon gave me the happiest, most loving 6 years of my entire life.
I miss her so much it is overwhelming, naturally most family & friends assume after so long "I'm over it" & so I don't burden them with my struggles. Every 2 months I attend a bereavement cafe at the Hospice, where Sharon spent her last week of life, which is an outlet for me. However, I find Sharon is on/in my mind almost constantly, I have this terrible fear that she may think I've forgotten her which I never will of course.
A couple of people have mentioned to me about finding someone else, & it horrified me that anyone could suggest it ! I know that I will never find another like Sharon & all I want is to be with her once again. 4 years on & each day I dread waking up, going to bed, eating a meal because I do so on my own, & all I think of is Sharon.
I really wish I could cope with the incessant need to be thinking about her in everything I do, but without the guilt or worry she may think I've forgotten her. Occasionally I've been asked what would I most like in life & my answer is immediate & always the same simple - "to be with Sharon once more & this time forever". I know it's something no one can give me, but I truly do miss her so very much.
I recently read a dedication in a book I'm reading by Chris Carter (he lost his partner a few years ago) & I found his words so moving & true.
"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they're seeing their entire world crumble before their eyes, and all they can do is watch".
I simply fell to pieces thinking how this is what I saw with Sharon, she was always so fit & healthy, all we wanted was to grow old together in our little world of undying love
Sorry I've rambled on a bit, but just wanted to try & stress how difficult I'm finding moving day to day
Best Wishes to you all.
Paul x
