I lost my husband 5 weeks ago very suddenly. He had ALL in 2019, had a stem cell transplant and had been in remission for over 5 years. He started to feel unwell and was worried it had come back, blood test showed it had not. 2 weeks later he was admitted to hospital and 10 days later he'd passed. It was a rare complication of the transplant (PTLD)
To say I am devastated is an understatement. The first few weeks were a blur. But now all i can think about is what if and I can't seem to snap out of it. What if we'd gone to hospital sooner, what if I'd noticed things sooner. Why didn't the doctors pick up on this. I know this is all irrational. I keep reminding myself that we got an extra 5 years together (we got married).
I have amazing support from family and friends.
But my heart just aches, the waves of emotion are debilitating and I don't see a future without him.
Hi Nellydoodle,
Just read your post and as Ghostlove says very early days for you. I am just over 2 years from losing my husband to bowel cancer in 2023 so compared to some of the others here I think I could class myself as a `veteran` to this forum
You were saying you and your partner/husband got an extra 5 years together that was amazing. My husband Jay went in to get his tumour cut out in January 2022 and was told just after that they got it all and he was in remission. Five months down the line however when he went back for a follow-up appointment with his surgeon she took bloods from him and a few weeks later he got a letter to say his CEA markers had risen and they requested another CT scan which unfortunately confirmed it was back. I like you at the beginning was full of `ifs and buts` I even asked his oncologist post op if he should have post op chemo or radiation treatment just to be on the safe side incase any cells got missed. He told me no and that it wasn't necessary and if it's not necessary, they don't do it and as far as they were concerned they had got it all and just let him progress with his recovery which in the end all backfired. When it came back everything just went into a downward spiral for him it affected him both mentally and physically to the point I think he just gave up because he was just so deflated that it had come back and he took just about everything they could throw at him until he could take no more. In the end 4 bouts of sepsis and his advancing cancer just finished him. Just keep coming here when you feel you need to and have a good old `rant` `scream` nobody will care because we are all on the same horrible journey with losing our loved ones and we all `get it`. Take Care of yourself and best wishes to you.
Vicky xx
