So sick and tired of this

It feels so strange to me that I just get up & carry on, I feel like a robot just doing it because I have to not because I want to

I do love all of those, too. My daughter and I went to Mexico a couple of years ago. Marguerites were the order of the day {Pool Bar}. We deserve a few treats. 

I hear you flower moon. My hubby passed just over two years ago and apart form drinking wine all day although I do have some occasionally I just like to sit on the sofa with the dog all day. I too have some hobbies but they went to the wall for a little while as I had a bout of really bad depression a couple of months ago but trying my best to get back into them again and get back on track in general. Yes I find myself avoiding people too at times don't know why because its been two years but this 2nd year I have felt it a lot more than the 1st. This horrible path we have to walk. Take Care. 

Vicky x

PattyK said:

I too have some hobbies but they went to the wall for a little while as I had a bout of really bad depression a couple of months ago but trying my best to get back into them again and get back on track in general.

For me, it's almost two years since my wife died - and what you've written here very much resonates. Both this Summer, and last Summer, I have hit some very low spots. And I think I finally understand why: it's exactly the time of year when I'd have expected to be going on holiday, having fun and doing things - but I now have nobody to be doing anything with.

PattyK said:

its been two years but this 2nd year I have felt it a lot more than the 1st.

Well yes - me too. This whole experience is a puzzle - and it's not a puzzle I want either to be experiencing, or to overanalyze. But I think I can understand why time "hasn't healed" in this respect: in the year immediately after my wife's death, there were lots of admin tasks to do and, perhaps, they provided a mental distraction (*) from the reality of the situation. But now that's all done - and I am just left with the dawning realization that, indeed, she is never coming back, and that it's just me by myself from now on, forever.

(* By the way, I dislike using the word 'distraction': it's too trivial a word for the position we're all in. But I guess you know what I mean by it: something - anything! - which, for a while, turns off the videos which are otherwise running non-stop in our heads.)

All the best to everybody here.

Hi all after reading all your comments over the last couple of weeks I can see so much of myself in all of them. Thankfully our 2 daughters and grandchildren have been amazing. If I don't see them everyday then they call me up. I pick my granddaughter up from school 3 times a week which is a welcome distraction and I take my little dog out twice a day which gets me out of the house. As for my husbands family they seem to have fallen by the wayside, he would be so disappointed  that they haven't kept in touch. I was calling them every week, it was only me that did the calling not them. So I stopped calling the last time I spoke to any of them was the 27th July. My other half passed on 21st April, Easter Monday. The worst day of my life by far. I miss him terribly, but I will carry on for him because I love him so much. Sorry if I'm rambling on.

Big hugs and love to all of you on this roller coaster of a journey. May we all find strength and peace x

Sue

Thank You PTP. 

Good to know its just not me that feels this way and it does actually happen. Yes June/July were the months I took my bout of depression this was around the time Jay passed and leading up to his funeral. I was fit for nothing no incentive to do anything or be anywhere other than home. I just felt nothing. I was just going through each day on autopilot but I have a sister with health issues who needs me she has learning and mental health issues and because of this she just does not `get` what is happening empathy unfortunately is just not there with her. You are right in the first year I was going through all the admin and I think still adjusting to him not being here and still looking for him coming back. The 2nd year I think is a realisation that they are  in fact not coming back and this is it your on your own now. I have my son and daughter in law and little granddaughter close by too but they have their own lives to navigate. Just glad I have here to come to and we can all help one another out and relate to what each of us are going through. Take Care.