OK. I went to the mountain

A support network is very helpful. Would you seriously consider moving back to Yorkshire ? I know what you mean, about you having to make the effort to try and stay in contact with people. I am not sure that friend’s and family do it consciously, or that it is the pace of life, but hey can be so bloody selfish. The difficult question to ask yourself is, “What would your Sue say ?” As you know, us women are always right. I am glad you have had some company, as this can help a lot. Kate. Xxx

Hi Kate, I know like all are partners Sue, would want be to be happy, but at the moment that's hard. I have to find the new me first. 

I got my wedding ring back yesterday and burst into tears, putting it back on. This path, nearly 8 months in and still in survival mode.

Take care

Yes, I agree. I know how incredibly difficult that is. I am also trying so hard to adjust to this new reality. It affects every aspect of our lives. Yesterday, I started crying, when I changed the Amazon Prime account into my name. My husband Paul, enjoyed having that account. It felt like I was erasing part of his identity. The pain sometimes is overwhelming. Kate. Xxx

Hi All!

Ghostlove I think I am still trying to find a `new me` after just over 2 years but that's not to say that will happen to you we all adjust at different paces and in different ways you too Kate. At the beginning I was thinking of moving away but where do I go I keep asking myself. I think I am like the way my mum was years ago. She was very much in love with the idea of moving somewhere different but when it actually came to putting it into action she never seemed to want to do anything about it. When Jay was in his last days he couldn't understand my logic in wanting to move somewhere else as we were (I am now) mortgage free. Were I to move again I would need to rent somewhere because getting a mortgage again at my age is totally out of the question and sometimes paying rent can be just as expensive as a mortgage and with that with having capital from the sale of here I would probably get no help with paying rent. I need to be near my sister too as I am carer for her now. Though independent to an extent she needs me for certain things like things in authority etc as I've mentioned before. My name is on a local authority housing list but I am obviously not classed as priority. I applied when Jay became terminal and I have been told I may not be offered another house as my situation is not desperate in other words I have a house and not in immediate need so it's `make do and mend` for me. I have got rid of a lot of Jays things too Kate but now I don't feel as though I am erasing part of him. I did at the beginning but I think he would be happy that some of his stuff is going to someone else who maybe needs it. I still have a bodywarmer (Gilet) and fleece jacket he wore regularly in the wardrobe. I took them out to maybe sell them on Vinted because they are both still in good condition but I just looked at them and put them back in again still can't part with them. Got rid of some of his `hoardings` though things that were just cluttering drawers and he just held on to for the sake of it or for a `just in case`. I was at my little granddaughters birthday party yesterday my son and daughter in law hired a hall near where they live and they had a bouncy castle and disco and all her little friends came she invited and still my son's friends he grew up with from school still come and ask me how I am after just over 2 years. They are lovely lads all with families of their own now. So strange to see them like this now from the little boys I knew them as when William was at school. Wish you well. 

Vicky xx