Flashbacks

I know what you mean about dying. I won't do anything stupid, 

Hello Kate!

Just remembered it was your husband's `anniversary` on Monday hope you got through it ok. I've not been great this week just one of those weeks where I draw right into myself and don't want to go anywhere or do anything and if I do it's `forced` one of my `F**K it weeks` as I call them. Just reading your last post about listening to Paul's favourite song on the radio. All the `ho-ha` of Ozzy Osbournes passing brought it all back for me with Jay. He loved Ozzy and Black Sabbath he was quite a heavy metal/rock music fan and Black Sabbath were one of his favourites. I was never really into that kind of music until I met Jay and thought some of their stuff was alright. I really listened to their ballad `Changes` for the first time the other day and it brought a tear to my eye some of the words are so relevant it's all about someone losing someone maybe about splitting up but could be about dying too. Made up a playlist of some of their songs and ask `Alexa` to play it now when I think of him or are feeling down. As you say funny how some of these things can be a `trigger`. Take Care.

Vicky x

PattyK, I am really sorry you are having a bad week. There is so many triggers, it can be a minefield sometimes. 

 I listen to a lot of heavy metal/ rock and there is quite a few ballads, which hit me, when I hear them. The lyrics seem to hit a spot.

Please look after yourself. 

Hi Vicky, Thank you for your kind thoughts about Monday. The actual day went well. After that, it has gone down hill, again. Lots of crying through the night, at bedtime and the middle of the night. I can’t seem to get any consistency. I still can’t get used to my darling not being next to me, during the night. We were big on cuddles and hugs, and I miss that, terribly. I am having a “F…k it Week”, too. I have just done the food shop, dishwasher, walked the dog, I am now having a lovely Gin & Tonic. I just wish it would get easier. Sending hugs, Kate. Xxx

I miss read that and I thought what,somebody's been rude. I'm sorry you're having a bad week as well.

Sorry if what I said is inappropriate, but it made me laugh. 

JUST TO SAY THANK YOU …Everyone

for your support and kind wishes yesterday went as planned. I got through it, the only person on their own on the boat (it was busier than I anticipated but I did get a good seat and sprinkled some of his ashes). The only person walking through Poole on their own with gentle tears of sadness and then a table for one in the fish n chip restaurant.

Quite a lot accomplished and all stuff we would have done together except we would have eaten our chips in the car accompanied with a chip butty on swanage sea front. Happy Memories. ..

Put candle on before bed and relaxing steam eye air heat activated mask another first for me but that was quite soothing then later Got into bed cuddling his shirt cushions talking to him and sobbing but go through it.
Feel quite refreshed this morning so far but this weekend im at work so I know already it will be chaotic and challenging.

Hope all your days go ok x 

That sounds like a nice day. I am glad you managed it. I hope work is not to bad.

Take care