Flashbacks

I love that. Anything that helps you smile through the tears, helps. I am re-purposing my husband’s study. It is a small but cozy room. It is now “Our Travel Study”. I am sorting through all the guides, books and places we have travelled through together. I am also going to get a picture framed from our visit to Cuba, in 2017. I need a focus, to remember our lovely memories. Kate. Xxx

That’s so, so lovely! A wonderful idea. 
I am working on an Our Holidays collage. With maps, photos, recipes, words. 
Im collaging into a copy of Around The World in 80 Days. 

Im working on it in what used to be my beautiful Valen’s home office. 
When he knew he didn’t have long he started clearing out his office stuff and said he really wanted me to turn it into a library. 
I’ve actually turned it into my craft / art room which I know he would approve of. 
I’ve kept, and use, his office chair. When I sit in it, it makes me feel closer to him and as though he is helping me, being a part of, my arts and crafts.
Still a work in progress. 
Both the collage and the room.

That sounds great. I will also be keeping his office chair and desk. I can take my time, and enjoy the process. It will be our little nest. Xxx

Having another of those random unpredictable moments. 
Listening to a radio talk show podcast which is from years ago and one of the presenters mentioned that she had been on a river cruise in Burma. 
My ears pricked up and then she said the river and then the cruise company. 
It’s the same one, in fact sounds like the same boat, that my beautiful Valen, me, my brother and his wife went on several years ago. 
It was a trip of a lifetime and meant so, so much to Valen as his family are, and indeed still so, live in Burma.

Tears of happy memories. 
Tears of no more holidays. Photos. New memories.

I hope today went ok,for you.

Hi there, I have just woken from a three hour nap. The day went better than expected. We took a tropical plant to the grave, as my husband loved these. After that, a pleasant lunch in a country pub out of the village. We were able to talk there, without recognition. Our son, daughter and border collie came with me. A lovely afternoon, remembering their Dad, and their love for him. I am feeling settled, as emotionally the last few days had been difficult, and I have got through it. Thank you to everyone for your support, it gave me courage. Kate. Xxx

Well done that sounds like it went ok.  I have said before it’s just me no kids only older steps kids not local you have a lot more to deal with. I can just be selfish and just worry about myself. So you’re doing amazing x 

Glad it went smoothly. 

Thank you for your kindness. I tend to over think things, and try to reduce their suffering, where possible, It can be very tiring. I am having a well deserved glass of wine. Kate. Xxx

I echo Toosoon as we never had children, and no dog. Yet. 
So I to can be utterly selfish and not have any cares or worries over them. 
My elderly mother, soon to be 90 and still independent, is still struggling to take it in as my beautiful Valen saw her nearly everyday. He always popped in to see if she needed a hand with anything on his daily walk. 
And she is struggling with guilt. That she is soon to be 90 and Valen only 56. 
I can cry, scream, sleep, eat, walk, whenever I want to. 

So I also think you are amazing xx

Thank you. I just do my best, when I can. Our daughter has taken longer to process the loss, and I have been trying to show her “A way forward”. This is hysterical, as most of the time I am trying to work out my, “Way forward”. They are more important than me, and I would like them to have some quality of life. I am sixty, and my husband was seventy-two. We have always been a very close family. I have had my time. if I can help them be as resilient as possible, they have a chance. I am so sorry your elderly mother feels guilt. That is so sad. Kate. Xxx