Almost Five Years...

Thank you for your kind thoughts, they give hope. I am nearly a year in, and it has been the most difficult experience of my life. Yesterday, was a good day, with no tears. I am gradually working through the house, preparing for Autumn. Electric checks, leaks, clearing the garage. I would like to go through Autumn and Winter without loads of things going wrong. I do like my projects, and they keep me busy. Sending you hugs, Kate. Xxx

Hi Kate

I totally understand the need to keep busy, having projects and tasks to focus on. Wisely it seems you are putting your efforts into preparing for the winter days. A time that for many is always more emotionally challenging. 

I still struggle to focus on doing things that need my attention, like reading a book, I used to be an avid reader but since losing Mark I have to be constantly doing something, I find it hard to sit still and relax. 

Keeping busy helps many of us to work through grief. 

Remember to look after yourself as well as the house. Sending hugs to you 

Mim xx

Thank you for your kind words. Funnily enough, reading when I can’t sleep, can really help. I read until I literally cannot keep my eyes open. I am re-purposing the en-suite today. Tropical plants, steam clean the floor and assembling a full length mirror. I shall then have some LED lights and candles for a lovely bath when it gets chilly. Also, a cheeky glass of wine. Xxx

Well done Kate,

You sound as if you are really using your time to make small changes, which personally speaking, I believe to be a positive step in the whole grieving process.

Oh how I miss the days when I had a bath to relax in... Somehow soft lights and wine do not quite go with having a shower!

Hopefully you have a productive day. Feel free to message me if you ever need to off-load ...have a rant or simply a listening ear from someone who can understand the somewhat erratic and overwhelming emotions of grieving.

Mim x

Thank you. I respect the fact that you have managed to work through the horror, and have some quality of life. It does give me hope, that one day the pain will subside. Kate. Xxx

I was an avid reader as well. In fact voracious, with a real book and a kindle book on the go at once! Always an historical biography and a “cosy crime”. 
But since my beautiful Valen was taken 10 months ago I cannot read at all. 
I’ve tried several times. New books. Old favourites. Short stories. 
But just cannot read more than a few lines so have given up for now. 
I did contemplate giving the ones I’ve got to charity, but resisted as I know I will eventually get back into it.

At least I have my collaging, diamond art, jigsaws and painting to keep my mind busy when at home. 

Hi,

Strangely, I also swapped books for jigsaws as you don't have to concentrate.

I found myself reading the same paragraph or page so many times but not actually taking  anything in. So, like you I gave up reading altogether. But recently I have  read a few books, taking my time,  Initially reading a few pages rather than devouring a book as I used to do.

Keep some books, you will return to them when you feel ready. Until then, lose yourself into a jigsaw.. they are great for shutting your mind off to the darker thoughts of grief.

Take care

Mim x

I never saw myself as a jigsawer before. 
Now I have one always on the go. Like I used to with books.
I find them especially useful when I feel panic rising and just before bed. Emptying my mind. 
Funnily enough my sister has also got into them as her broken wrist means she can’t crochet and jigsaws are easy. So we swap. 
And my library lends them out! 
But I have got pretty miserly when buying them at charity shops. 
I balk at paying over £3.00

Im so glad you are rediscovering reading. I know I will too.

I get mine from charity shops but they charge at least £5 for 1000 piece jigsaws.  

Doing them has a calming affect on me..  unless I find pieces missing!  

Hello Pooka

Thanks for sharing that with us. I am just over 2 years in from losing my husband Jay to bowel cancer. This year it has seemed harder than last year being my first without him. June/July have really been quite `iffy` for me this year. He passed 23rd June 2023 then I had a two week `lull` before his funeral on the 14th July 2023 a lot of to-ing and fro-ing went on I remember because our council (Glasgow) were still working towards covid guidelines and you couldn't physically go into the register office to registers births, deaths and marriages and everything had to be done over the phone or post so there was this breakdown along the line of them dragging their heels to send the death certificate to the undertakers in order to get a date for the funeral. I'm just beginning to come out of a really bad bout of depression I'm getting there but not 100% just yet. During the months of June and July I've just not been able to get motivated at all. I just did not want to get out of bed in the morning and wondered what was the point of getting up but I did anyway. I went back to my GP and he said to me that it was understandable that I was feeling like I did considering what I had gone through the last few years with Jay being really ill and then passing and not long after that my sister presented with health issues which she is still going through she got bowel cancer too but has fought it and is so far clear but now she is awaiting heart valve surgery. So the GP prescribed some anti depressants he wants me to take for a couple of months to see how I do on them. He also spoke of getting more bereavement counselling but I said to him its been two years and he said grief has no time limit he said you can just keep going and going and then it can just hit which he thinks has happened with me. I have a lot happening within the next few months. My little granddaughter starts school next month (August) and then I become a grandmother for the 2nd time in November. A few of my neighbours have been asking after me because they haven't seen me out much over the last few weeks and I said to them why and they all more or less said what the GP said and that I have been through so much over the last couple of years. So I knew I had to give myself a shake and went back to the gym a couple of weeks ago which I had let slide too one of the receptionists asked me as well where I had been and I told her as well. When Jay and I used to go to the gym together there was always a lot of `banter` going on between the two of them usually about football of all things being in Glasgow you're either `green` or `blue` (Celtic or Rangers) and she's Celtic and Jay was Rangers. 

I'm usually on here trying to give support to everyone else so think it's time for me to take some of my own advice and give myself a good kick up the backside. I'm sure it will pass and hope it will but as long as we have places like this to come to it helps. I wish you all well moving forwards on this horrible journey. 

Vicky x