Why do some things and words like hope things are little easier wind me up at the moment?

Some people can feel they are being well meaning but can be tactless at the same time. I got all that at the beginning `we'll meet up for lunch` `I'll give you a phone` etc etc which never seemed to materialise. It's never `easier` at the beginning quite the opposite but sometimes people and I am guilty of that myself, sometimes just don't know how to express things and say the wrong thing. I have my granddaughter just now her mum and dad working today so she had her usual Friday sleepover with me last night. We've down in the back garden and she helped me lop back a trailing bush that is creeping over to my side of the fence well I lopped off the leaves and branches and she `helped` to sweep them up to bag them. Then we made a tent with the table and chairs she has some imagination and just keeps going like a cyclone she's just full of beans and I sometimes find it hard to keep up with her sometimes. Once she leaves I'll go back down and tackle the tree just over my back fence. I need ladders for that so not very practical with the wee one still here. Yes living alone can be hard and I have realised that in the last few weeks and sometimes the `silence can be deafening`. Would have been our wedding anniversary today 39 years married we would have been. He passed on the 23rd June 2023 just two days after our anniversary its as if he wanted to hold on for just one more with me before he went. Two years gone already doesn't feel like that and still at times find it hard to comprehend he is gone. Take Care.

Vicky x

Sorry you're experiencing this, sadly there are lots of things that will grate on you with the things people say, well intentioned or not.

Living alone is hard and quiet, I hear you. And this weather.....just makes you miss even more the nice things you would have done together. Now we have to busy ourselves with the mundane things to keep distracted. 

Take care x

Your granddaughter sounds cute. Hope she provided you some comfort. 

Sending hugs. Wondered if you were able to speak with your son about Jay this wknd since it's the anniversaries?

Toosoon

Having a awful weekend yes people say it's only 3 weeks but since getting ashes home not stopped crying I don't want ashes just my beautiful Simon. I also am getting How are you ? Are you ok? i actually put no I'm not ok struggling really missing him now the text are getting less my sister wrote on his tribute page I will look after your darling wife ok where are you then. My daughters know I'm really lonely and the tears won't stop I just want to hold him feel his skin they are babysitting me today lunch with them but I go but sit there feely lost and empty want to come home cry and feel lonely again only thing I want I can't have why do people leave us thinking we are ok course they all have partners and have no idea xx

Hi PB

Thank you. yes I did mention to William (my son) about his dad. I said to him on Friday that it was two years since his dad went. He paused for a minute and then went `oh right`. He doesn't talk a lot about his dad as I think I have said but I think he remembers him in his own way of sorts. He and his family are off on holiday tomorrow taking the wee one to Disneyland Paris for a couple of days to see the `Disney Pincesses` so a big adventure for her. Good old mum is minding the dog while they are away so I will have two to contend with for a couple of days. Kennels were full `apparently`. I have my sister coming to help me look after them good thing she loves dogs. Then next week she goes for her heart operation (30th June) finally got the letter in for that so she is a bit more at ease now knowing it will finally be getting done. So busy couple of weeks ahead between dogs and hospitals will keep me focused though hopefully. Take Care everyone. 

Vicky x

Hello Jkee Love!

Yes no body gets it do they? As I said some people can be very tactless in what they say and think after a couple of weeks ok you're ok and back to normal when it is the complete opposite. Jay and I's wedding anniversary yesterday so raised a few wee glasses to him last night. It's just this navigating things on your own now where you used to do everything and be a part of a couple and yes of course you are going to feel like a `spare part` when everyone else is in couples and you are there alone some just don't get that though and I now find myself wondering if I should accept invitations to anywhere because everyone there will be in couples and the women would all have something to talk about re their partners what they're doing where they're going. What have I got to talk about? Nobody needs to babysit me. I babysit other people and just feel William has me `on tap` as a babysitter as and when needed. I'm just so used to being on my own now that it really doesn't bother me. Don't know how that is. Some people tell me I am very `stoic` and can take things as they come. Maybe it's Jays words ringing true before he passed and told me that I was stronger than I knew. I really wish you well JKee and as always I am thinking of you at the start of this horrible journey. Please take care and my best wishes to you moving forwards with this. 

Vicky xx

You're right PB this beautiful weather. Nowadays I just couldn't care less about it.  When Jay was here we would be away somewhere trying to `catch the rays` as he would call it usually it would have been at our caravan where is was peace and quite in abundance or just sitting out in the back garden but now the sun can shine all it wants I am hardly out in it these days. Used to stress so much about getting a suntan and now I'm more likened to a `milk bottle` or a `latte coffee` . Weather has changed today though and raining again- Well it is Scotland! Think we can officially say our summer was a Friday/Saturday this year. Take Care.

Vicky xx

I know what you mean about the weather. Saturday night at about 10.15 we had a load of thunder and a heavy down pour. Then about 2 hours later lighting,and all I could think off was I should be watching this with Sue next to me( I hope she is) but you know what I mean. This sunshine means nothing to me at the moment. I really wish I could be more positive. The pariah 

Ghostlove. Jay would have been in his element there watching the thunder and lightening. He was fascinated by weird things like that. We both came from the same housing scheme in Glasgow but he stayed up at the higher end of the scheme. We never knew each other back then  though until years later and he said the block of flats where he lived he could see right across the city from his bedroom window and said when it was like that the lightening used to light up the whole city and he could see it from his window. He was some person a bit weird and complex at times but still very kind and considerate in other ways. 

We had that as well.  
From about midnight till about 2am I was sat in the converted garden shed (now studio) letting it wash over and around me. Thank goodness the shed is water tight. 
The lightning was spectacular, but I sat watching it in tears as my beautiful Valen would have been loving every clap of thunder and streak of lightning. 

He would also have prevented me from standing in the garden watching it at first from under a brolly!