Friday night - a lovely evening the birds singing but I’m sad and alone …

Thinking of you and sending huge big hugs  your way. Gail x

So sad isn't it.

I'm amazed at what I do now I never used to, so not unusual, just feels so alien.

Good for you for doing your hall, that can't have been easy.

I sold some of my loves stuff too, it felt horrible but felt like what am supposed to do, I couldn't keep everything. Some went to the charity shop too.

Good luck with work, hope its not too hard going. Come back here and blow off some steam again if you need to x

I have just come back inside having sat in our pimped up shed in the midst of an incredible thunder and lightning storm!
The ground shook like an earthquake and it was light as midday. 
Got some incredible videos and a couple of really good lightning pictures. 
At one point I was a tad frightened that the shed would fall in on me.  
Or like Chicken Licken, the sky.

1 - I don’t usually stand out under a see through plastic brolly in a storm. 
2 - My beautiful Valen would not recognise the garden shed which is now blinged up into a garden room (he did suggest I turned it into a room for me and not tools). 
3 - I would never have sat in said “studio” for nearly 2 hours, with a towel over my legs, a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate watching said storm 9 months ago.

I so missed holding his hand. Squeezing it at the thunder.

Your shed sounds like a great little bolt hole. I know what you mean missing their touch and conversation. 

I came to bed slept for a bit then needed a cuppa tea.

Perhaps I'm doing this all wrong stay up later I guess.

My husband liked a storm and would open the curtains wide at night to watch it.

Anyway I'm going to try sleep now again 

I said I've done some crazy things today I have also opened his ashes and filled up a small round tin to take in the car  with me so he can be close to me and hopefully keep me safe!

My beautiful Valen arranged to have some of him put into a necklace for me. 
He chose the design when arranging his own funeral. 
He chose perfectly. As always his taste was spot on.

Unless necessary, like my scan, he stays round my neck close to my heart. 
So he is always protecting me. 
If I get panicky, worried, sad, I reach up and enclose him in my hand and lift him up to kiss.

He asked me to promise that apart from the necklace I keep him together. 
No bits of him going here there and everywhere to various family. 
He said that I would know when the time is right, if ever, to find a spot for all of him.

Another thing I never used to do - be up beyond 10pm unless it’s New Year!

1. Like you I have been selling bits on vinted and makes me feel awful. If I still smell his aftershave on anything I have to leave that at mo. He had expensive taste in clothes and I have so many boxeof shoes and trainers but so hard thinking be nothing left of them one day. I've given some to my son which I know he would be really happy with. I've had pair of his sunglasses made with my prescriion in and now having his bike fixed up , costing over £200 but I said to the man even if I never use it I know it's fixed. I had a lovely ring made for my engagement finger with some ashes in which o try not to think about to much, we were together nearly 18 years but he didn't want to go down that road so this is only way I've got one on, that makes me feel sad aswell.  I've got 2 adult children but all I say to people is I don't want to get old I just want to be with my man which is not nice for them to hear. Hugs to you x feel your pain.

My beautiful Valen saved me some of the trouble by going through his vast collection of shoes and selling them himself. 
He knew he wouldn’t need his winter coats and jackets again so did the same with them and his suit. 
And with some tech stuff. 
But I have still have his every day t.shirts and a couple of “specials” like his Christmas jumper and going out shirt which I can’t see me parting with for the foreseeable.

I sold all the DVDS except a few which he really loved. Even though he has the DVDs he still taped from the tv Rocky, Harry Potter, Morse, Detectorists and Only Fools and Horses.

I just cannot bare to part with his toothbrush or shaver. They are still in the bathroom.

Maybe I should think about the tin thing. 
I took Valen to Wales with me. 
3 times now. 
He is very heavy in his casket and pulling and lifting the suitcase with him in from East coast England to South coast Wales with 3 train changes was pretty hard!
Not that I wouldn’t / won’t do it as many times as I go 

2 of our dearest friends have offered to have him over for a holiday with them when I next go. Which is incredible of them. 
But I can’t bare the thought of going away without him joining in or to kiss goodnight to or chat to.

I do like the idea of the ring Heartbreak. 
I may try and get one to match our necklace when the times right.