Help

hi i understand what you are feeling iam in a similar situation and feel very much the same way one i got yesterday was its ok not to get over it i got it but its not easy what i have learnt is there seems to nothing to take the pain away its just has to worked with every day i can only deal with each day i dont see the future so its just day by day living hoping that something will happen to dampen the way we feel i wish there was more i could tell.But if you have not contacted your gp now would be the time but if you then forgive me for pointing it out.all i can say is just hold on.with every thing you can thats what iam doing but in truth ive give up but i havre to holg out for my son.what ever it is you need to do to help yourself to do it but i know form the bottom of my heart it IS not easy some days its a fight hour by hour all of cveti things are still here no is touching them.I have forgotten the future and its just day by day.even our cats behaviour has changed they both go looking for her and sit by the doors or in the hallway just waiting for her.i wish i could give you some information that could help but the best i can do is if you want to talk iam about all day and my laptop is right in front of me please takecare 

Its so painful.  I feel bad as have 2 adult children and I can't feel any love for them as it feels like my heart has died. I feel angry that it's happened when we were absolute soul mates. He was only 54 and we talked of retirement and being together all the time now feel got nothing to look forward to. I said to him once take me with you, which he said you've got 2 kids of course u can't. People say they there for me etc but nobody really understands how awful it is as they all happy in their relationships.  Thank you for replying I appreciate that x

Hello Heartbreak!

I know exactly where you are coming from in what you say. Sometimes it doesn't matter how many people you go amongst or however often you go out you still just feel `empty` and as though you don't belong anywhere. I have felt like this often. I am two years in next month from losing Jay (my husband) to bowel cancer and even though things have started moving for me again be it ever so slightly, you still have days when you just want to hide away and not see or speak to anyone. It's like a catch 22 with me sometimes. When I go out I want to be home and when I am home I feel I should be out somewhere. When Jay was here I was more or less never home and yes like you and your beloved I saw us seeing our retirement out together but for him it was not to be. He passed in June 2023 after fighting bowel cancer for two years at one point going into remission only for it to resurface only months later and then 4 bouts of sepsis got added to the mix and it was on the 4th one along with his advancing cancer (they could do nothing for him in the end) that took him. He never got to enjoy his retirement 50 odd years he worked with hardly a sick day off or need to go to the doctors or hospital. He retires and all of these things all of a sudden become an everyday occurrence. 

Some days I still can't comprehend that I wake up in bed by myself. I have a little dog a Border Terrier and he is my reason to get up in the mornings because he needs fed and walked. He was Jay's dog and at the end I asked if they would allow me to take him in for a few minutes to the hospital so he could see him as he was missing him. They agreed but before I got him in Jay passed and never got to see `Jack` before he did. 

I have a son and a daughter in law close by me and my little granddaughter who keep me going. My son got married at the beginning of this year and it was a lovely day but just so bittersweet that his dad wasn't there but my new daughter in law also lost her mother just last year to stomach cancer so they have both lost a parent. 

As I said I still have my dark days/weeks or as I call them my F**K IT! weeks where I don't want to do anything or go anywhere but like unwelcome visitors they finally leave and I try to push forward again. It is very early days for you and everything you are feeling is normal I felt exactly like you do at the beginning. Keep coming on here though when you need to let off steam or scream or shout or vent about something because we all `get it` we are all on that same horrible journey. I wish you well moving forwards. Take Care.

Vicky. 

its beyond words i find words dont describe it.yeah i get that feeling of lacking for other in my life older children ect.i am founding out the only people that get are the one who have been through this or are going through this its hard its really hard.i know what you mean about not being when they said they would and just let you down ive found that out lately some just got to keep swimming in the sea of pain till a life raft of some sort is found when that will i have no idea what i do understand it there is a point of us going through this lonely stag as i got told the other day that we need to go through this to change for the stag well iam not to sure about that like you i really really feel there will be no know to replace our soulmate.my soul was rippped from me that day she died and for the first real time in my life i felt quit and that was it that was that last straw that this mortal world will take form me as with you there will Never be another i feel this from my gut but i hope for you that at some point you find that raft that you have to accept ive accepted But i dont like it iand i will never like it.But i told the other day thats it ok to feel that way You just have to go with it.i used to box had 30 odd fights hardly ever cried but i have cried a life time tears since cveit passed and i still do .I finally got a good few hours sleep last just to wake feeling totally wiped out just to get thing done round the house to day has taken a very long time.feel no way what can we do but talk in this situation theres noting left to do.x

Hi, I am sorry for your loss. 

 16 weeks for me tomorrow night. I am sure that night I felt and heard my heart break. It has hurt ever since.  For me my support network is rubbish. I only saw my family and friends a week after my wife died and that was for my dad's funeral. Then again for my wife's funeral.  So most of the time I have been battling this on my own, I have been to counselling and go to a bereavement coffee morning. So I would like to know what or who is keeping me going. I have to make myself do things. Today I went into town a bus ride walk around Alnwick gardens and order a canvas print of a picture of Sue. So take care and look after yourself.