Hello all. As you can see from my profile, I “lost” (I didn’t actually lose her, she was ripped from me) my wife, my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, my beloved Anne 8 months ago.
I am still grieving, have been diagnosed with what my GP & mental health team say is Traumatic Bereavement & PTSD. I’ve been on antidepressants for the last 4 weeks, numbing me to help me cope with the at times overwhelming grief.
My sister posted me a link a couple of weeks ago to “I am not Okay” by an acapella group called Home Free – I have been listening to this at least two-three times a day -Sometimes I break down sobbing, sometimes it gives me hope.
I have given the link below, but have also listed the lyrics so you can look at them before listening to it. It seems to describe exactly how I feel – despair, barely getting by, losing sleep, but a hope for its going to be alright, and I’m not the only one going through this.
I hope that this may give someone else hope that its going to be alright. I cant say when, but I have to hope. At least it lets us know that there are so many others going through the same. Please know, you are not alone, together we may just get through this nightmare.
Keep posting here, and know that you are not alone
Chris
Link to Video
I am not okay,
I'm barely getting by,
I'm losing track of days
And losing sleep at night
I am not okay
I'm hanging on the rails
So if I say I'm fine
Just know I learned to hide it well.
I know, I can't be the only one
Who's holding on for dear life.
But God knows, I know
When it's all said and done
I'm not okay
But it's all gonna be alright
It's not okay
But we're all gonna be alright
I woke up today
I almost stayed in bed
Had the devil on my back
And voices in my head
Some days, it ain't all bad
Some days, it all gets worse
Some days, I swear I'm better off
Layin' in that dirt.
I know, I can't be the only one
Who's holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it's all said and done
I'm not okay
But it's all gonna be alright
It's not okay
But we're all gonna be alright
Gonna be alright……
I know one day
We'll see the other side
The pain Will wash away
In a holy water tide
And we all gonna be alright
I know, I can't be the only one
Who's holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it's all said and done
I'm not okay
But we're all gonna be alright
It’s not okay
But it's all gonna be alright
Hi Chris,
Thank you for opening your heart and sharing something so raw, honest, and profoundly moving. I’m truly sorry for the unimaginable pain you’re going through. Your words about Anne—“she was ripped from me”—cut so deeply. That kind of grief isn’t just sadness; it’s devastation. It reshapes everything.
Your post, and the lyrics you shared, stopped me in my tracks. “I’m not okay, but it’s all gonna be alright.” That line holds so much truth. It's not about pretending we’re fine—it’s about surviving when we’re not. The song expresses the reality so many of us silently carry, and hearing you say it out loud makes others feel less alone. It certainly made me feel less alone.
Grief that deep doesn’t have a timeline, and traumatic bereavement—what you’re navigating—is an injury to the soul. I’m glad you have some professional support around you, even if the days are still unbearably heavy. And I want to say thank you—for still reaching out, for still hoping, and for reminding others that they aren’t alone either.
You may not feel it, but in sharing this, you’ve extended comfort and light to people who might not have had the words yet. That’s a powerful act of love—not just for Anne, but for everyone else carrying their own loss.
Please keep holding on, even if it’s by a thread some days. You’re part of this community, and you matter here.
With warmth, respect, and solidarity,
Butterfly Resilience 
