Feeling Low

Thank you. I will have a look at the book. 

 I got to the church OK. I even said a prayer asking that Sue was OK and at peace. Then I asked why ? I didn't think I would ask that. I saw some lambs in a field which I watched for a bit. Sue always enjoyed watching the lambs. I even put something in the oven for tea first time in 12 days. So it must have done me some good. The trouble is it's Friday. Friday nights I aways relive the night I lost her.

 I hope you are managing OK and are looking after yourself. 

Well done for getting to the church. I understand how you are feeling. Watching the lambs must have been comforting knowing it was something she loved. Paul died just before his 59th  birthday and we used to always run together. His running group did a run in his memory on his birthday and we released some floaty ballon's as he loved them. I did my first park run last weekend the first without him and I cried when I finished but I am glad I did it. I find doing things he loved helps me. That’s really good that you cooked some dinner. Look after yourself xx

I am so glad you are doing things and did your first park run. The first time I did Alnwick gardens without Sue I cried the whole way round just missing her and yet thinking she was there. Grief is a strange beast. Take care 

I put off and put off going to bed and eventually make it around 1 or 2 am. 
The light goes off, if at all, an hour later, so 2 or 3am.

I just can’t bear that another day has passed. 
Another day without my beautiful Valen. 

I feel that when each day finally ends it means another day further away from him. 
So I don’t want the day to end. 
I don’t want to get further away from the last day I heard his voice. Touched his face.  Gave him and received a good night kiss. Felt the weight of him next to me.

Hi there, I have had a couple of tough days. It is now coming up to nine months, and overall there have been easier days, and in the context I have achieved a lot. However, last night I sobbed for a solid four hours. I needed to let the pain out. I think it was about the things we would be doing at this time of year. Walking our border collie Jack, in the bluebell woods. Going to The West Country to stay at Goilden Cap Holiday Park. Walking, holds hands on Cogden Beach on the Jurassic Coast. I am still processing the loss, and this will take time. I took roses to my darling yesterday. I like to tend his grave, and chat to him. We will be going to the bluebell wood tomorrow. It is so beautiful there. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

Hi, I hope everyone managed to get some sleep.

1. I was up at 7am hanging washing out. So I made my self go for a walk. It was are covid walk a couple of fields we were allowed to do during lock down. It is the first time I have done it. The kicker just as I was going to cross the road  a ambulance went past lights on siren going. Talk about a trigger.  I still did it in tears and then I stood outside my empty house still crying not wanting to go in(again)
2. I hope you have a better day then yesterday. 

The first time I have done it with out Sue.

Was up early went to Chepstow classic car show only stayed an hour it’s just not the same without Helen’s opinion came home for a good cry. Best wishes everyone

It's horrible when you do things,without your better half. They say you have to find a new you. I was happy with the old me.

I hate when people say this is your new normal,  I say I don't want a new normal I want my old life back. I already start planning things to keep me occupied next weekend especially being bank holiday so more time to fill. I say to people I can't expect people to keep entertaining the morbid sad one.  Just feel like you exist everyday and nothing to look forward to x