Should I get away for a few days?

Hello, just wanted to say hello and very sorry for your loss. Escape to the Highlands ? I am not sure, even if I am a Scot !!

Hard to say as it is early days for you yet perhaps. My thought was take it slowly day by day. You have already been through a lot.

Be kind to yourself.

Take care big hugs 

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

listening and reading what others have written it sounds like the period after the funeral is particularly hard. So am trying to brace myself for that bit.

decided to just go about 20miles away, to be on my own a few days after the funeral. Its been such a busy period for months now I know that I haven’t proceeded what has just happened and feel I need to slow right down to let this start to hit me even if it is painful. 

Pondered weather to respond as I don't wish to sound pompous.

I'm 6 months into this journey and decided to take a couple of trips to where my wife and I used to visit.

I'm currently in Australia visiting friends and have found it a bitter sweet experience, but in lots of ways cathartic I've previously visited places in the UK only for a couple of days.

I'm retired so time isn't an issue .

This morning I found this poem on another site,I hope it helps 

Hard truth:

If you wait until you feel 'better' to start living, you might be waiting forever.

Go live your life.

Do it sad.

Do it anxious.

Do it uncertain.

Because healing doesn't always come before the experience.

Sometimes, the experience is what heals you.

@myhealtime

Hi Gom, I’m glad that you did reply, thank you.

It’s interesting for me to hear different points of view. I think in my head I’d have avoided somewhere where I’d already been with my wife as I know it’ll hurt but hearing you say it’s a mixed bag is comforting to hear that there is still a “good” feeling to be had from returning to places we’d previously visited as well. (Long winded but I hope that makes sense) 

I think the poem rings very true, thank you for giving me sight of it. Guidance like that to me at the moment is very handy.

i hope that your trip to Australia is going well, wishing you all the very best. Thank you once again for replying.

Hello again, Just wanted to send you this..

" Today I read that butterflies rest when it rains, because it damages their wings. It's ok to rest during the storms of life. You'll fly again when it's over". Not sure who wrote it but I found it helpful. My Barry died nearly three years ago, and the storms do rage, like the waves of grief, but they do subside, and we carry on.

I am hoping to go to Scotland next month, the first trip in a very long time. I am nervous but I think I am now ready to "fly ".

Take care . Hugs are there.

Next week will be an unbelievable 6 months without my beautiful Valen.

In that time I have been to visit my wonderful brother and sister in law in Wales. 
Twice.

I was very very anxious about making the journey on my own for the first time. 
My sister had to help with getting my train tickets as every time I tried I got in a muddle. Valen always did it. 
Then I had to carefully pack Valen in his casket into the suitcase and pack whatever clothes fitted around him. 
No way was I leaving him, I wouldn’t have gone if I couldn’t take him.

The journey was really hard. I kept crying that he wasn’t sitting next to me, phone plugged in to the charger. 
I changed my seat so I was next to the luggage rack. 
I had to miniature bottles of wine.

I almost turned back at Liverpool Street where I had to change trains. 
But my sister in law called at that moment and gave me the strength to carry on. 
When I got off the train 5 hours later I stood on the platform in their arms and just sobbed.

I stayed for 10 days. 
We laughed. We cried. We reminisced. We cooked, gardened, walked, watched t.v, painted. Slept.
We cried. We laughed.

The journey home was ok. 
The second trip was pretty much the same, but with less tears.

I am so glad I went. 
I needed to get away from our empty, still home. 
From our friends, our walks, surroundings. 
After the second visit I came home feeling braver, feeling a tiny bit stronger to face, well face everything and everyone.

Thats my experience. 
Love and hugs to all xx

Thank you Fifinet for sharing. Both the butterfly description and the quote from Voltaire resonant with me. Thank you. I know its very early days for me but it is really really useful to get your thoughts like this as it gives me a point of reference for the future. I do hope that your trip to Scotland is everything that you hope it can be. My thoughts are with you x  

Thank you MrsVT. 

Your description of your journey to see your brother and sister-in-law will be moving to not only me but to anyone who reads your words. 

Your bravery to complete that journey is something I will take with me, you should be so so proud of yourself for pushing through and getting to Wales. 

Taking Valen with you speaks volumes about your love together and your care for him. 

Your account is so powerful, I hope that if and when I have dips I can face task with challenges with as much courage as you. 

Sending you all the love in the world x

Hi, my partner died Christmas Day. I'm now planning to take my 2 children (in their 20s) away for a week as we have all been through the most traumatic experience watching him pass away. They lost their dad when they were young to suicide and now their step dad. I don't feel any excitement about booking a holiday or going but they deserve a break more than anyone. To get out of this bubble of sadness at home. Just another step of 'new normal ' everyone talks to me about. Hope you go to help reflect. Hugs to you at this sad time.