Loss of my soulmate

It is hard and it won't get better quickly. But the pain and the shock will eventually numb. Did you do enough? Absolutely you did: you loved her and cared for her and that allowed her to die where she wanted. Don't underestimate how much being cared for by a loved one is different in its intimacy, gentleness and loving kindness from the care given by a stranger, no matter how kind. Will you enjoy life without her? I can't say: I too can't see where future joy in life will come from. The closest I get is digging my allotment and planting vegetables. Take care of yourself. 

Hi, Like everyone else I am sorry for your loss.

 The guilt I am afraid we all go through. I to looked after my wife at the end  even though we did not know it was the end. I was talking thought heavy tears with my grief councillor, about how guilt I felt Because I was her husband and my job was to look after her and protect her and I failed. I did my best got the medication ready etc. I tried everything I could think of to keep Sue going. I promised her kittens when she got better (we lost are cat last February). Got tickets for events in the future books to read. Sue did not survive her first chemotherapy.  Sorry rambling any way I got told I did my best and I am not a medical professional. So I should not feel guilty but we still do. Hopefully in time it will fade. I wish you the best and take care.