Hi there Forum Friends
I just thought I’d share with you my therapy experience so far.
So I am just over 5 months from having my beautiful Valen ripped from me.
4 weeks ago I started weekly Art Therapy (12 sessions in total) at St Elizabeth Hospice.
It was horrendous stepping over the threshold of the hospice to have therapy, I almost walked straight back out I was shaking so much. But the receptionist was so sympathetic I stayed.
The first session was me just snot crying for an hour.
The second session I only snot cried for half an hour, then was able to talk about how amazing my beautiful man was, how he meant so much to so many people.
We talked until I was able to describe Valen as a silver thread running through so many people’s lives but always starting and finishing wrapped around me, anchoring me. I said he is also a tree, deep roots, strong and sturdy but with branches waving and bending and rippling through life and lives.
The third session it was a half hour cry. We discussed my life now being a rollercoaster, all ups and downs. Other times I feel like I’m on a merry go round - spinning around till I feel dizzy with life, then the merry go round slows down and I put my foot out to get off, only for it to speed up and I’m stuck on it again.
She asked how I saw myself, how I felt with Valen by my side. She said Valen is that silver thread, a silver tree, what am I.
I described myself as a squidgy yellow ball. Sometimes bouncing high, sometimes rolling along, sometimes flat, other times full and plumptious.
She got paints out and I painted a silver tree.
Today was my 4th session and started with a 15 minute cry - getting better.
We talked about my aunt (uncles wife) passing 2 weeks ago after a lifelong illness. And then just this weekend my uncle passing after a short cancer illness. He was my mums baby brother.
She hasn’t yet processed Valen’s going, now she has 3 people gone.
How angry I feel that my uncle got a peaceful, sleepy, slipping away passing. But my Valen was fighting for breath and scared.
We got the paints out again and though I started with muted colours I moved on to using a sponge a dabbing big yellow blobs all over the paper. Then a silver marker to create a big tree with branches connecting the yellow balls.
One thing she left me with today: my body is starting to adapt to Valen not being physically next to me - in bed, on the sofa, walking down the street, hearing his voice. But my inner self, the fibres of my being, my soul have not yet got the message. They are still confused and searching for him, reaching out to find him. That’s why everything is so difficult.
That makes sense.
Sorry, long post, but wanted to share something positive 
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