Hi, I know its early for me in my grief week 5. Week 6 on Saturday since my love and soul mate was taken from me with Metastatic Adenocarcinoma of the stomach. She collapsed late Friday night and I had yo do cpr till the Ambulance arrived. I followed her down to the hospital in a second Ambulance. They told me her heart had stopped on the way down, but they got it going again. Then it stopped again in hospital. When I got there she was on tubes down her throat and a machine keeping her heart going. The worse thing is having yo say the words let her go and rest. I put on my i-pod on played her favourite song (hence my name on here) and held her hand as she went.
I have not really got any support here. The only time I have really seen people is when after a week . I had to go down to Yorkshire for my dad's funeral. I spent about 5 day's down there. Then I had to come home and continue to sort out my wife's funeral. I saw people family and friends that day, but since then. I haven't seen any one. The phone calls are getting less. Which I understand they have there own lives to lead and who wants to talk to somebody who could just burst into tears. I saw a grief Councillor last week and again tomorrow.
I know grief comes in waves and reading about other people on here has helped. I am sorry to say I Don't wish this on anybody, but the last 3days have been very hard and I am getting fed up with waking up. I don't want to kill myself but I also don't want to wake up. Plus why do we get so much paperwork which just brings everything back. On Friday night I know the nightmare will be back as it is every Friday when I relive that night in detail. Sorry for the long thing I just needed yo say it.
