Funeral

My husband was cremated so my situation was different.  I think all you can do is follow your instinct.  There will be something that is drawing you.  If you feel comfortable driving or getting transport then I don’t see a problem with going by yourself or maybe with one close relative or friend.  Some people talk to their spouses and find it helpful.  I could see being there making the talking part easier.  Either way you decide, the grief will still be there and my thoughts are with you.

Hi Butterfly,

I am so sorry for your loss.

My beloved wife died mid September last year, her funeral was on the 3rd October. One of the hardest days of my life.

I don’t feel that I can give any advice except that you do what you feel is right for you. Don't listen to people telling you "it is too soon", "you should go every day/ once a week" etc. It is what feels right for you.

For me, I am fortunate that Anne is buried in our local cemetery, only a 5 minute walk for me. A beautiful, peaceful place, near the river, surrounded by the mountains she loved.

I went to the graveside every day for the first few weeks, to talk to her, to cry, to grieve. I still go, but now 3 or 4 times a week, depending on how I am feeling. Some people say I shouldn't go so often, its bringing it all back,  stopping me from moving on, stopping me from getting back to "normal". Normal? Normal to me would be having Anne holding my hand, smiling, laughing. How can I be normal?

I go when I feel I need to, sometimes to tell her something about friends, family, sometimes just to tell her I love You, I Miss You. 

Everyone grieves in their own unique way, just as the love you had was unique to you. There is no right or wrong, no time limits. You go when it feels right to you.

The only thing I can advise, is to take tissues. From my experience, lots of tissues (think I single handed kept Kleenex in profits for months).  If there are flowers, I would suggest taking a close friend or relative in a couple of weeks when they need to be removed - I had to do that myself, and I completely broke - it felt like I was disrespecting, abandoning her. I really could have done with somebody with me that day.

My thoughts are with you at this horrible time, sending hugs

Chris

Hi Chris,

Thank you for replying to me. I am sorry for your loss. Friday was certainly the hardest day of my life.
This afternoon I had this feeling that I needed to go see him. It was a beautiful sunny day so I got in my car and drove there- it is about 20mins drive.

As soon as I reached the gates I was in floods of tears . You are certainly right with the tissues needed. I sat and chatted to him for ages and didn’t want to leave. It was so peaceful and I was the only one in there. It is a small military cemetery. 

I feel it has helped me today to go back and I know I will visit frequently now as I think it will help me. Like you say I need to do what’s right for me. 

Take care and sending love