Enough of this damn rollercoaster

Hi well done! I love the idea of the heart shaped rose quartz!

it is a week today since I lost Paul and I have not stopped crying. The condolence messages keep coming through and it’s so hard. I keep scrolling through our old messages is that normal?? 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm 3 months into my journey after losing my wife and coincidentally was sat earlier today reflecting on the wotsap messages we sent each other whilst she was in the hospital and hospice so yes it's 'normal' whatever that means!!

Sometimes I find it helps yet today I found it upsetting and very emotional. But surely emotional pain is an important part of our journey, even if our natural reaction is to hide away from it.

Please take some time to be kind to yourself, it's overwhelming at times, yet everyone has an opinion how others should manage their grief but it's so very different your emersed in hurt and so many confusing emotions.

Hi GOM,

Thank you for replying and I am sorry for your loss too. What you have said is very true thank you. 
I am so lost and keep finding myself looking at my phone to see if he has messaged. Then realise that won’t happen again. It’s so painful as he deteriorated so quicky and even know I knew he would not be able to fight this we were told he had 3-6months and he only got 3 weeks 

I’m so sorry for your loss Butterfly, I don’t think there are any rules about this grieving. You do whatever you need to. After my husband died very suddenly in the house, I tortured myself watching the Ring doorbell cameras, I listened to the police talking and even worse,  I watched the undertakers taking him into the private ambulance and bowing to him when they put him in. I’m in tears thinking about it now 17 weeks today. I haven’t done that again, I just want to remember him when he was alive and well. We text each other all the time, if I went out without him, I’d text him to say I’m on the bus, we texted a lot. I found it strange not getting any now, but 17 weeks in I’m starting to accept it. It gets a tiny bit easier, I don’t remember much about the first month, I was in shock and numb, I was in auto pilot, don’t know how I managed to register the death and deal with everything. It’s all a blur. But I’m still here, you will get there, just look after yourself. Take care xxx