Enough of this damn rollercoaster

Oh MrsVT, know what you mean, life's rollercoaster - thing is why does it always seem to be plummeting down with so few ups? No need to say sorry, I think all of us here know and understand. I've been having a pretty lousy couple of weeks. Saw the mental health nurse 2 weeks ago, was prescribed some meds they thought would help. Worst 3 days ever, turns out I'm one of the "rare side effects that affect less that 1 in 1,000". Had to stop taking after 2 nights, couldn't take the affects. Been talking to CRUSE and the hospice bereavement team who are helping me through this nightmare, back to the doc tomorrow, we will see whats next.

On a more practical note, if colour printing is OK  (and assuming that you are using a Windows based system, not sure about Macs) , if you load the document you need to print, then hold down the Control Key (usually labelled ctrl ) and press the letter " a " at the same time , the whole document should highlight (or go to edit and click on "select all" ). The whole document should highlight. Right mouse click , then select one of the "colour" or "format" options .  Change the text colour to a dark blue / navy blue , then try to print. I cant guarantee it will work, but because it is a blue colour it should use the colour cartridge, not the black. Hopefully will allow you to print what you need while you try to sort out the black cartridge issue? 

I know that we are not allowed to pass personal details here - completely understand why, but if you need IT help, please post - I worked in IT for 30+ years, and am providing support to half the village - keeps my mind off the nightmares in my head!

Hi Mrs VT

You vent all you like that is what these forums are for. Think I've been where you are just now you start to try to move forward and laugh about things again but there's something somewhere pushing you back and telling you no you just stay where you are. I thought of doing a lot of `silly things` too but luckily for me thinking about doing them was as far as I got and yes trying to fathom things out for yourself that can be trial and error and anything that has gone wrong for me doing that or if I've made a pigs ear of doing something I just put it down to learning and not make the same mistake again- the perils of trying to be independent. You will get there and there will be bad and good days still and now and again you do manage to get off the rollercoaster. Wish you well moving forward. 

Vicky xx

Hey MrsVT

I've had a pretty awful day too, I don't even know how I work when I can barely function. Just couldn't get it together today. I feel you in not being able to take anymore.

I'm glad it went well at the museum. The printer...there's always something right? Remember, we don't have the same capacity, patience and tolerance we did before, all these things get to us even more and add to our already heavy load. You're allowed to vent. hope you get sorted.

Did you write about your day in your book? maybe that will help?

Take care x

Hi MrsVT 

I totally understand you venting. Vent away!  I am not coping well and yesterday I came home to find my rabbit was very poorly. Spent the evening at the vets thinking please don’t die I just can’t cope with that. Thankfully he seems ok and has perked up with the medication. I am glad it went well at the museum. I am sure this will really help. Bloody printers! Look after yourself xx

Hello Mrs VT, 

Our life is a roller coaster, I have been on the verge of throwing my printer out the window, why does it always happen when you really need it. I just changed my cartridges as it wasn’t printing, I checked everything then I discovered I put the cartridges in the wrong order. Also for some reason it wouldn’t let me print from my iPad anymore, I managed to do it from my phone. I spent hours getting stressed over that stupid printer. I had tons of documents that I needed to print, I sat crying as well, nothing goes right, everything going wrong in the house as well. Every day something else happens, I don’t know how much more I can take just now. I hope you manage to sort your printer out and good to read you are getting out and doing volunteers work. I hope you enjoy it.  Xxx

Hey Butterfly, how is your rabbit?

I saw my art therapist this morning and talked through the printer / stress / rollercoaster situation. 
I also told her about a burnt toast meltdown.

Something happens, usually quite innocuous, and I spiral it out to incredible lengths of disaster. 
So the burnt toast meant that the toaster must be faulty. Therefore the electrics are probably faulty. Therefore I will need to have the bungalow rewired. But before I get a chance it will probably catch fire. Therefore I will end up living in my car!

Hilarious looking back. 

She hit the nail on the head, for me anyway, when she asked if it would normally be my beautiful Valen who would sort out the printer, look at the toaster, deal with the blind that won’t close. 
Of course it would be him. 
So the problem is intensified and magnified. 
Especially if it follows a moment of happiness. 
I am punishing myself for daring to believe I can have fun. 

She suggested that I get some playdoh and have some in every room, and the car and at mums. So that if something does start to stress or distress me, I can try and ground myself by distracting myself with doing something physical with my hands. 
And hopefully be calm enough to think the problem through. 
So I went and got some on the way home.

Ill let you know how it goes!

hugs to all xx

It’s good you are seeing your therapist, I hope she helps. It’s usually me that fixes the printer, my husband never touched it, he did though fix most things about the house. I spend my life on google just now. I fixed a leaky drain under sink which I was proud of. Sometimes I do get angry at all the things that are going wrong, I think he is telling me to get out the house and move. Everyday something breaks, I’ve got a light that won’t go off. I won’t touch electrics. I couldn’t get into the garage, had to get a locksmith in. Had to get drain people in to unblock a toilet. There is always a solution if I keep calm and think it through. It’s all money I can’t afford as the Estate going to takes months to sort out. Like you the minute I get a happy moment something comes along and spoils it. I broke my glasses yesterday, I had to book an appointment at the opticians, more money. It’s relentless although that was my fault they broke beyond repair and I needed new ones.maybe I will try the play-dough theory. Can’t do any harm when things get out of control. Can’t believe it’s now 17 weeks since he died. At least I’m not living off Jaffa cakes although I did eat two boxes in the last week, I’ve ran out now. Need to get more, I’m still losing weight so need the calories, that’s my excuse. I hope we have a nice day today Xxx

Hi MrsVT he is much better thank you. Thankfully the medicine has helped and he seems more like himself. Thank you for asking. How are you? x

I put into practice my therapists suggestion that I take a moment to ground myself when I feel a sense of anxiety / panic or fear starting.

I had our car booked in for it’s MOT today. The first time I have ever had to do this. 
When I got there they had messed up and changed me to another day but not told me. 
Thankfully I had my confirmation email from yesterday and a voice mail from them left yesterday. 

Since my beautiful Valen was taken I have carried a heart shaped rose quartz. 
So I put my hand in my bag and started to gently rub it. 
It focused me, I felt the panic receding, I took a deep breath and asked when could they do it. 
I asked that they double check that my current MOT would still be in date as my head was a bit muddled and told them why. 
This big burly bruiser of a mechanic with greased up hands patted me on the shoulder and said “your doing grand lass”.

That is what made me have a tear, not the situation. 
And that was perhaps one of the nicest things that’s happened. 

So it’s been a good day. 
And I have my putty to hand for if the rollercoaster dips down.

xx