Feeling so lost

Hi there, it is so so hard. You must be exhausted mentally and physically. I am six months in, and at times it is still overwhelming. I found the Cruse Bereavement website very helpful in understanding the psychology of grief. This helps because it means you aren’t going bonkers in how you are feeling. I have been shocked by the intensity of emotion, and how it can wipe you out for days. Sending hugs and kindness. Kate. Xxx

Thank you. I think I am still in shock with everything and so very sad.  

Yes, you will be in shock. I am hoping you have a support system. At times, you will want to be on your own, at other times you will prefer company. My view was that, “I would go with it.” This really helped as I didn’t try to control any of my emotions. I literally didn’t care what anyone thought, and still don’t. The pain, disbelief, anger, sadness, shock, eventually settle down, but it will take time. Sending strength and hugs. Kate. Xxx

Oh Butterfly, it’s bloody hard as hell, grief. I won’t lie or sugarcoat it. 

You will get sick of people saying it will get easier. 
BUT, today is 4 months to the day. 
An unbelievable and unbearable third of a year without my beautiful Valen who was 57 when ripped from me. 
And I have made it.

I thought I would need company, but find I am in a reflective mood. 
I have started a journal. I don’t write in it every day, but I have an achievements page. 
Things like ; Putting the bins out. Going to bed before 2am. Getting on our usual bus for the first time. Going to a supermarket. Filling the car. Big things and little things.

I have an “I am angry at” page which includes me, him, his GP, his consultant, the lady in the post office who said “Don’t worry, worse things happen at sea” when I cried.

I have an “I’m sorry” page; for our stolen future, that we couldn’t go on our big holiday to Malaysia this month we had been planning for 2 years, that I didn’t save you, that you lost your taste.

I write poems, song lyrics and passages from books which talk to me.

I have found this has really helped. 
As has coming on this forum where everyone  is going through the same heartbreaking horrific time.

You will be facing lots of admin, or “sadmin” which will keep you busy and occupy your mind. 
You will cry, shout, scream, wail, weep. 
You will ask why? And what if?  With no answers.

My best support of family and friends try hard to understand, to comprehend. 
But the guys on here, we truely get it. Get what you are going through now and what you will go through. 
So speak to us.

We are literally 24/7

Sending you love and support

Hi MrsVT 

Thank you for replying and sending your coping strategies . I am sorry for your loss. All day today I have been looking at photos, reading our messages and even listening to his voice on voice mail. Is that normal? I don’t know what to do with myself other than cry. It’s so hard x

It's normal for those of us who are bereft. We need to keep those we have lost close to us. And we cry because what else can we do?

Cry Butterfly, cry.

And never ever ever apologise for doing so.

I have cried a lot today. I had to go back to bed, as I was so tired. I miss my darling so much. Everything we had together has gone. Sometimes, I just need to cry. I will never deny our love, If my suffering is a price for our love, I will take it. Every second of pain is worth it. I’m going to bed now, so I can cry some more. You will always get honesty from me. Night night. Xxx

Thank you insanity Kate. I am also now in bed having been sobbing.  I have been looking at photos today, reading our messages and even listened to a voice message so I could hear his voice.  

I wrote on a Christmas star hung on a memorial tree ;

My grief is so raw because our love was so fierce. 
My heart is so empty because you filled it with your love.