Feeling lost

I totally feel your pain. 4 weeks now and getting harder cry at anything now. Can't be bothered with mundane chat cos inside I'm empty.  Don't want to say yes to any plans in future as no fun inside me   just want my partner back and it feels so so cruel and unfair this has happened as we were so happy as I'm sure you was aswell.  I want answers but there is none x

Yes I feel the same. Very lonely and lost.

Today is the date we met face to face for the first time 20 years ago. After a 6 month email correspondence.

Feb 12th is our 7th wedding anniversary.

Feb 14th is my beautiful Valen’s 57th birthday. Yes. Valentines Day.

I am feeling desperately lost. 
Lonely. Sad. Angry. Empty. Depressed. Uncertain. Confused.

Oh so many many emotions that each and every one of you knows, feels and understands. 
And which others can only look on and hug and say Thank god that’s not me.

Im with my brother and his wife in Wales for our anniversary and back home with our dearest friends for his birthday, which we will drink to together. 
Im glad I won’t be alone physically. 
And I hope that when these 3 events have been celebrated I may find a bit more at peace.

So I send love and peace to all of you as we each navigate these anniversaries and birthdays and other celebrations without our soulmates.

xx

Hi there, it is so heartbreaking. I hope things get easier soon. I am pleased you are with your family. I felt that way on 9th December, as it would have been thirty six years married. I haven’t been on much, as I am trying to wean myself off the forum. Yesterday, was a sobbing day. I spent hours thinking about how beautiful our love was, and how much I miss my darling Paul. These intense bouts of emotion are lessening, but at times it still hits me like a steamroller. I am hoping Spring helps, as I am planning to spend lots of time gardening. Love and kindness to all. Kate. Xxx

I am now writing almost daily in a journal. 
All my thoughts and emotions and fears and hopes and memories and anger and love get poured into that little blue book!

I am finding it truely helpful. As helpful as here.

Sometimes I am so emotional I almost go through the paper my writing is so frantic. 
And sometimes I am writing through so many tears I can’t barely read what I have written it’s so illegible.

So the diary / journal, along with the book I write poems, song lyrics, quotes, my achievements etc in, as well as the therapy I have just started are, I think (hope) beginning to help me process what happened to my beautiful Valen and our lost future.

Sometimes though it’s all so overwhelming and unbearable and unbelievable that I crumble and need my forum friends understanding of the situation xx

Although distressing, it feels like what your doing is cathartic and ultimately positive?

Whilst very different I can draw comparisons with my late wife's journaling after being diagnosed with cancer .

I know that, at times this was incredibly painful, nonetheless it offered her an opportunity to reflect up on her life and upon relationships.

She described it as both cathartic and meditative .She continued to write/journal even whilst at the end of her life in the hospice.

I've yet to read the journals but know but when feeling ready I shall .

Hi there, your journal sounds very therapeutic. I may give it a try. I am going through a lonely stage at the moment. I see close friends, and they are all so very kind and give me lots of support and hugs, but it isn’t helping as I have a feeling of being completely alone. Of course, I recognise that it is the loss of our relationship and my darling Paul. I think it is a loss of purpose or joy about life. I can’t think of what my focus should be, or how to look at things. At times, I just don’t care and have to really dig deep to get out of that mindset. Sending hugs, Kate.xxx