I have been wondering how you are. Isn’t it a bloody awful time of year for us here. The jollity. Songs. Christmas t.v specials. Happy couples and families on all the adverts.
Now New Year. Some New Year huh? Last year we were at our local cafe for an Elvis New Years Eve. I asked him to sing and dedicate “The wonder of you” to my beautiful Valen as he had come through his op and was starting radiotherapy in the next couple weeks. The words are so apt!! This year? Decided that I need to be on my own this year.
As for food, I’m living on potato waffles, Pringles and chocolates. When I go round to mums we have soup or quiche so I do get some “normal” grub a couple times a week. I go to the supermarket with good intentions but just end up either buying rubbish, or buying stuff I just throw out.
I spent a pleasant 2 hours in the garden today, without realising the time had gone! Always my domain, so a safe place.
Mrs VT. I’m living in limbo just now, up and down. A bit down just now but I think it’s the time of year, I force myself to go food shopping but it’s so hard, everyone buying things for Christmas, all happy and here am I looking at food for one. Keep thinking about things my husband would eat, then my brain clicks back to reality. I used to get my shopping delivered but now it’s a waste as I would end up throwing it all out as I can’t be bothered cooking anything. Our weather is awful just now, been raining like crazy and the wind is howling, not been out for days which isn’t helping me. I was at a New Years Eve dance last year, it was lovely. I honestly don’t know how I will cope tomorrow. He loved New Year and he bought a special bottle of whisky which he opened at the Bells. Do I open it for him even Altho I’m not a fan, we always had a house full of family, we had a lovely family picture last year as well which I put on his virtual photos at the funeral. I sobbed like crazy when they were shown, I did ok till that point. I still look at the 25 pictures and still cry but they were all happy photos. Here’s to a better New Year for all of us xxx
I’ve had a crying day today as well, just can’t stop, my eyes are so puffy, I did this just before Christmas and wasn’t too bad on the day so I hope all this crying gives me a better day on New Year’s Day. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, give myself a shake, all my family think I’m doing great, if they only knew what I’m like behind my own door. I’m going away in April with my daughter and grandson but it’s going to be a sad occasion as I’m clearing out my husbands happy place, hopefully sorting it before it can be sold. When I close that door I will be so sad, he closed it two days before he died and because he was feeling great he said we will get a few more holidays before we sell up. We should make the most of our life as we just don’t know when it will happen to us. All the best for 2025. Xx
Snap. Family and friends are all saying how well I am doing / coping / so strong / brave. But when I step through my door I howl. I know damn well there will be no response to my “Only me”. But it still makes me gasp with renewed pain. If they could see how I am on my own they would only worry. So I say I am fine. Up and down. Good days, bad days. And that satisfies them.
I spoke to my GP today and after a stuttering, crying jumbled conversation I admitted that I generally go to bed at 2am and am not eating properly. I expected a bit of a lecture. But he said “Look Sylvia. You sleep where and when you can for now. So long as you do eat, do so, but please try at least soup daily. If you start crying, then you cry. You are allowed to. You have lost your soulmate and will feel incomplete for a long time, maybe for ever. But you must talk, if not to family, friends or me then someone”.
I told him about this forum and he thinks it’s a great safe place. He said he is on here on the carers forum. Which is why he is so incredibly understanding.
So you keep feeling sorry for yourself, you have every reason to be so.
I am planning a quiet New Year’s Eve. I shall have a pleasant country walk with my daughter and border collie. Then I shall do a comforting stew in the slow cooker. Not going to our local, as I don’t want the ‘pity stare’. New Year’s Day, I have invited a new friend over. We met at The St Barnabas Bereavement Group, and she is on her own. She is eight months in and hasn’t cried yet, she is still numb. I am trying to support her as she has no one. Let’s see what 2025 brings. Hugs to all, Kate. Xxx
I thought about going to my doctor but I know I’d just cry. I had two phone calls right after he died telling me to look after myself and to call if I needed help. Your doctor sounds lovely. I’m not even sure if and where a bereavement group is or if I’d even get to one so this group is a life saver. I keep forgetting how to sign in and can never remember my password but I think I’ve written it down this time, what your doctor said makes a lot of sense. I need to start eating better, might make some soup today. Just wish today and tomorrow were over. I cried so much yesterday I’m surprised there are any tears left. I will also get out the house today and go a walk regardless of the crap weather. Take care xxx
Kate that is a lovely thing to do, I wish I lived near you. I’m not looking forward to being on my own tonight but I will cope, hopefully I will be tired and go to bed. All the best for 2025 xxx
Just been reading your posts and it mirrors a lot what I am feeling now and I'm glad it's just not me feeling like this. I lost my dear husband Jay in June 2023 from bowel cancer and sepsis so I'm 18 months in from losing him but still find it hard to comprehend some days that he is actually gone. My firs Christmas/New Year without him last year passed in a blur and I didn't really give it much thought but this year I miss him more. I think it is because it has been a full year has passed without him.
I think too because just two months after he passed my sister got a bowel cancer diagnosis too but hers was caught very early and so was treatable. She is now recovering and is currently an outpatient at our local hospital and goes for regular check ups.
When Jay was in his final days I just did not see a way forward without him and I went to a very dark place but bless him, he was the one who said to me that I would make on my own without him and that I was the stronger one in our relationship and I think in a way he was right. Some things I have done without him I have amazed myself and sometimes ask myself if I actually did it. There are so many other things to come that he will not see and that makes me sad. My son gets married in February so he won't be here for that and my little granddaughter starts school this coming August. He always said he would be here for that but of course cancer had other ideas.
I try my best to stay as occupied as possible but the empty feelings can still be there and the dark days/weeks drop still drop by now and again but they leave eventually and I just go with them until they do and just try to continue to move forward.
Jay was never a fan of Christmas and New Year and just wanted it to be over every year. I would make the effort but now it just doesn't seem to matter. I will probably just be in my PJs bringing in The Bells and raise a couple of glasses to him then just go to bed. My sister will be here with me so won't be completely on my own. As well as beating cancer, she has other health issues going on in that she has mild learning difficulties and needs me for a lot of things. I wish you all well with the coming year and hope 2025 is a good one for us all. Take Care.
It's so good to know, what I'm doing/ not doing, feeling/ not feeling is the same as most of you.
Christmas was hard but I'm dreading new year.
On my Facebook memories, today is full of my husband wishing everyone a happy new year and remembering those not with us...... and now he's one of them.
I still can't believe it.
New years day will mark 5 months, of my Mr Wonderful, my lovely Aidan passing.
I know it's better he's out of pain but it's just so hard and horrible. I can't imagine next year with out him.
Off the back of a conversation with a friend earlier, I went out this morning and got a load of plates and tea sets from some local charity shops.
They are in my garage with a small hammer next to them. When that horrible rage gets me I will make for the garage and do some smashing up!!! Better than throwing the remote control / hairdryer / bottle of nail varnish (boy, that was a mistake even though it’s clear!).
Pretty sure that’s where I will be at midnight.
I’m looking on it as being just another weeknight, but maybe a bit noisier.
