Lost

Hi there, it is devastating isn’t it. The loneliness and loss is incredibly difficult to live with. My husband passed on the 4th August and it would have been our thirty sixth wedding anniversary today. I miss my darling Paul every day, his beautiful smile, holding hands and being able to tell him that I love him. I had a really tough day yesterday, and just went to bed and sobbed. The tears are flowing now. I am trying to be strong for our adult children, but inside I am broken. I don’t want to feel like this, but can’t at times control it. Sending hugs and kind thoughts, Kate. Xxx

Thank you Kate. Devastating is the word. People keep telling me the more you miss someone the more you loved them but it isn't helping. It does help knowing I'm not alone but am so sorry about how you are feeling as I know exactly how hard it is. Am trying to remember how lucky I was to know him. Julie xx

I feel the same. I lost the love of my life on 9 October. I have plenty of people about but I feel so alone. Well I am alone after having the best part of 30 years, and all of my adult life, with Lee. 

I feel lost, hopeless, and quite frankly I don’t want to be here without him. 

Sending you a big hug.

Hi worry warrior I am so sorry you are going through this but understand exactly how you feel. Life is precious but I have no concept of my future.

Sending you love and comfort x

This forum has genuinely been a lifeline for me. I originally was on The Carer’s Forum, and after my husband passed I came here. I like the honesty, understanding and support we give each other. Family and friends try to understand, but they can’t really. I went to my husband Pau’s grave yesterday, as it was our thirty sixth Wedding Anniversary. I took a Christmas Wreath with a lovely red bow on it. I had a good chat with him, and it helped to calm me. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

Hi Worry Warrior,I know what you mean about not wanting to be here. The pain is overwhelming, and quite frightening in its intensity. At times I thought I was going bonkers. Four and a half months later it has got a little easier. I get the occasional morning or afternoon when I feel almost “normal”, {Whatever that is.) Sending hugs and kindness. Kate. Xxx

Hello Kate

Sounds exactly the same with me.I go the the graveyard and talk to Barry. Nearly 40 years together, and I miss him greatly. Still hear his voice in my head, and I think he is in some way trying to guide me. Friends don't get it, and avoid talking about him, and family are the same. I have a sister in Scotland , still with her partner alive too. She says "sorry you are down in the dumps " god awful. More than that sometimes.Can't speak to her either. I agree with you about this forum. I have found it in extremely helpful and supportive.

Take care. Big hugs.

Hello Footycat!

Your story mirrors mine so much. I lost my husband of 40 years to cancer 18 months ago. He caught sepsis 4 times and it was that along with his advancing cancer which took him on 23rd June 2023. He went into remission after he got his operation to remove the tumour from his bowel in January 2022 but unfortunately it returned 5 months later. Further chemotherapy treatment caused him kidney damage and so had to be withdrawn completely and after that there was nothing else that could be done. Then the sepsis came along he caught as I said 4 times on the 3rd one they thought he wouldn't pull through but miraculously he did but the 4th time along with his advancing cancer his body just gave up and it and the cancer took him. I try to keep myself busy I have things to occupy me but the empty feeling is always there. I still have really dark days or weeks but these pass and I still find it very surreal that I speak of him in a past tense now. When I talk to my son and say `remember when your dad did this/that` and it just hits that he's not here now. I can really see Christmas far enough this year. Last year wasn't too bad but I think I was still processing his loss in that he had only been gone `months` this year though it has now been a full year. I have gone through the motions of putting up a Christmas tree and some decorations but not really gone overboard as I usually would. I will try and enjoy it though for my little granddaughters sake if nothing else. My son gets married in February but I just can't get excited for them there either. Maybe I will nearer the time my future daughter-in-law also lost her mother this year to cancer too so both of them will not have a parent there. I wish you well moving forward. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

Am trying so hard to be.positive but it is exhausting. Still engulfed by all the death admin. Had to make,a call today to HMRC. Spoke to a very.nice man who was,asking me for information and I held it together until he,said "are you still using Mrs". and it broke me.

My husband,was,always there for me and he was all I wanted to make me feel better. The reality of never again is,starting to hit home. This feels.impossible. Xx

Hi Footycat,

I get all of this. All of it. My wife of 29 years died on the 6th October,  and life seems impossible without her.

I was filling in a form the other day, and when it came to marital status, I clicked married as always.

Something stopped me in my tracks and I changed it to widowed. That hurt me, and broke me more than a check box should.

Since then I have felt nothing but sadness and loneliness, I miss her so much.

Life socks without her, she wasn't just my wife and lover, she was my best mate too.

Sending virtual hugs, as that's all I have

Gordie