Going Through The Motions.

Sending you such a big hug. I know there are no words that will make today feel better. Thinking of you x

Hello Insanity Kate!

All I can say is `Snap` I am feeling just like you are right now. I am 16 months in from losing Jay and it has hit me hard this coming winter season. I have just posted on how I am feeling just now (`So Winter Begins`..)  Last winter wasn't so bad I feel funnily because I was only months in from losing him and I think just processing his loss but this year now the clocks have changed and the days are getting shorter and the nights longer and darker I am really feeling it. Used to like this time of year with Christmas approaching etc but that's all gone now. Just keep coming here when you feel you need to we all get it and there will be someone who can relate to how you are feeling and what you're going through. You're not alone. Best Wishes to you moving forward and Take Care. 

Vicky xx

Thank you for your kindness. I was meant to be cleaning the living room carpet, doing a food shop and walking the dog. Sod it, it will have to wait until I get my energy back. Xxx

Oh Kate, I kinda feel the same. 

I feel exhausted all the time, even when I wake up.

I'd love a day under the duvet, but the cats won't let me. 

I make all these plans in my head, for the day  and only manage a small part of them.

In 3 days it will be 3 months, of my husband passing. I don't even know how that's possible.

I still feel numb to so much.

Sending you love and hugs xx

It matters that we are here for each other. It matters that we care. I will do my best to support others that are going through this living hell. If I can support, help and care then I will do it. This forum has been my true lifeline. Friends, family and others try, but they can’t truly understand the pain and devastation. To everyone suffering, I care. Xxx

Hello There IS purpose in your life.  I can assure you. It seems hopeless now but that will change. You have children too.

You will get there. Slowly but surely. Like us all here in the same position .

SENDING BIG HUGS 

Thank you for your understanding. I have just spent the last hour comforting our daughter in bed. She has been working, and repressing all of her emotions for the last three months. She was the last person to see her Dad and has nightmares every night. She needs time to process the grief and some time off work. We have now got an appointment for Bereavement Counselling, which I hope helps. She helped care for her Dad at home, and we are a very close family. My poor darling daughter. She is suffering so much. Xxx 

Maybe it’s something in the air.

I to have had an extra bad day. 
Though I did a lot like going to the solicitors. 
Took mum to a local art exhibition and then lunch. 
Wonderful walk in the woods.

But the day has been topped and tailed by utter despair. 
Couldn’t bear to look at any of his pictures, even looking away when passing our wedding photos on the walls. 

His sister texted and called but couldn’t face talking or even texting back. 
Wind chime fell off tree. It can stay down. He’s not going to hear it any more. 
Houseplant in his office is dying but so what?.

I spent what felt like hours, may even have been so, rocking on the sofa crying out for him. For me to wake up this hell. Demanding to know how and why I should go on without him.

I know when I get up I will feel slightly better. 
I usually do. 
And I know I will go on as he would be spitting feathers angry with me if I joined him so soon. 
And it would be such a waste of his life if I don’t stay to carry on talking about, remembering such an amazing man.

And your living room carpet can wait for a few may days, weeks, months.

️

You have written like i feel most days. Without the man i loved so much by my side i feel there is no future, it has all been taken away from me. I have friends who have lost their partners and get me, as if you haven't been through it you will never understand it, and i would be lost without them. Take care allx

MrsVT, I think you are right - it is also something in the air as well as our grief. Today everyone in Britain was depressed because of the budget and with everything else going on it does take huge effort to rise about the very real doom, glooom, despair and stagnation that is all around us. I think this mood is mirrored worldwide.

And yes while we are here still living, and still consumed with the loving and suffering that comes with the magic of great romantic loves, our loved ones and their lives live on.

Thanking everyone on the Forum for their care and support and encouraging each other to try to eat and sleep well, exercise, and look after ourselves, so we can grieve and process our feelings properly. I think it is good if we know what we are feeling is grief and loss rather than hunger or lack of sleep. (I am telling this to myself too - a few sleepless nights recently - I think it is this clocks back week).

xx Florence