Bad morning

Hello MrsVT.

Yes what you are going through is normal and some of the things you want to do now your hubby is not here is exactly some of the things I wanted to do at the beginning. I was adamant that I wasn't staying in this house but now I see it is not financially practical for me to move on. It was Jay (my late husband) who said to me before I passed that why would I want to move and start paying rent ( wouldn't be able to afford another mortgage at my age) when I live in a house that is mortgage free and is mine. Even in his final days he was still able to speak some logic to me as my head was just all over the place back then. I'm 16 months in now to losing him from bowel cancer which he fought for almost 2 years. It has just began to hit me that he has gone in the last couple of months. I was unable to cry for his loss at the beginning but when he was going through his treatment I thought I would never stop. Recently though I have had small outbursts of crying and think this is it happening now and is like a relief after it happens. After he passed, my older sister got a bowel cancer diagnosis but she has thankfully came out the other side and is progressing well with her recovery. 

I am slowly but surely I feel beginning to move forward but with caution. I am still in the way of thinking `what will happen next` but I know I have to try to educate myself to stop thinking like this just that so many horrible things have happened over these last few years. It's good to have somewhere like this to come to as everyone `gets` what you are going through. Keep coming here when you feel you need to. Best wishes to you moving forward and Take Care. 

Vicky x