Considering it was the 3 week mark of his going, I had a relatively good day yesterday.
I even went to bed before midnight exhausted.
But I woke myself up at 4 yelling and fighting with the duvet.
I was convinced I had lost his wedding ring which I had resized and wear. (it was still on my finger).
Then reality kicked in and the crushing knowledge that he was gone and never coming back and I’d never see or hear him again.
Kiss him, hold his hand, stroke his face.
See his beautiful smile, hear his laugh, see his eyes shine.
Never plan another holiday, cook together, go for a walk, shop.
No more “Im home / here” response to my “I’m home / here”.
Im missing the Amazon deliveries.
Bloody anything.
Never.
I want to leave this house we called home as it’s no longer home without him. But I promised him I wouldn’t as we loved it here and did make it a home. I do love it, and will stay, but right now I want to trash it in anger.
I can’t stop crying this morning.
Feel so utterly overwhelmed with him not being here.
I know we feel the same.
I know this will lessen as the day goes on.
Big hugs to you all going through this gut wrenching time 
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