I’m heartbroken

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My lovely husband of 11 years died on Saturday. He went through a total laryngectomy April 2023, he was so brave and was doing so so well, we even went away for a month, just back last Thursday, 2 days later he died so suddenly, he went into bathroom to clear his throat, I went in to see what was keeping him as he was about to make his breakfast. He was lying dead, I called 999 and they told me to start CPR, I knew he was gone but I tried for ages till medics arrived, they worked on him for about 30 mins but could do nothing. I am so heartbroken, I just can’t stop thinking if I went in bathroom even a few minutes earlier I could have helped him. His stoma looked as if it closed so he was probably starved of oxygen. Why did this happen? How do I get through this? Not sleeping, can’t stop crying, I am so lost. How does everyone cope with this loss?

  • I wish I could fast forward a few months, I think we all have to do what we can cope with. I have been told I’m going to my daughters to stay a few days, my grandson will keep me going and hopefully get me through what will be a very difficult day. New year will be very difficult as he loved New Year. We always went to a Dance but won’t be doing that this year. I had all the family down which I may still do as it will keep me busy and I don’t have to stay the night with anyone. My thoughts will go out to all of us xxx