In 8 hours my beautiful, kind, gentle, loving soul of a husband was ripped from me 2 weeks ago.
He had salivary and lymph node cancer and completed radiotherapy in Feb.
Had an all clear scan in April.
Found another lump in July.
28th August told aggressively back and widespread and even with chemo would have 3 to 6 months.
4 weeks later, after getting slower, struggling to talk or eat and breathing getting worse and weakening before my eyes he suddenly with no warning had one godalmighty heart attack.
On the day he was to start chemo to extend us those precious few months.
Why did that scan not show any traces of returning cancer.
Why did we have to fight daily to get the insurance company and hospital to get his chemo started. (I am 100% positive this stress led to his early going)
Why did such a gentle peaceful man have to suffer his last few weeks.
Why did he not give me his phone or computer passwords when we arranged so much else, he even planned his own funeral.
Why do people have to send so many flowers. What the f**k am I supposed to do with them all. All gone in the green bin as can’t bear to look at them.
Why do I feel guilty for laughing at a t.v show.
I don’t honestly expect answers. Just feel overwhelmed
