6 weeks since my husband died aged 55 and I’m feeling worse. I have to go back to work soon and I’m dreading “normality’ after so many months of caregiving a d grieving- I’ve forgotten what a normal life is and I’m not sure I can go back to it nor if I want to.
at night I replay his illness and death and wonder could I have done better, been more patient, enjoyed having him more than I did.
I look to the future and feel scared and alone and worried for how I’ll cope financially. I miss him not just for the joy of him but for the joy of having someone to rely on, to share problems with, to guide me and give advice.
the responsibility for everything now is mine alone and that is terrifying after years of being a couple, a team.
friends are kindly asking me out to functions, dances and I just can’t believe I’ll ever want to leave the house again, going to the shop is struggle enough.
please tell me this gets better - right now it feels like a downward spiral 
