Are you ok, how you doing?

I'm not sure how you answer any of those questions. I'm a year in but remember so clearly those early days the raw pain and literal heart ache.

The pain is there but it changes and you change with it sadly you don't have a choice. 

A year in, I grieve so much the future we won't have. Our first grandchild recently born my husband will never meet. It is all so hard. 

However I'm determined to live a life for us both and know he would want me to do this. 

Be strong it takes time and take all the support you can. 

Sending you best wishes. X

Hello Sad1 - I agree with you 100%. These questions are so hard that I sometimes think about messaging people before we meet to warn them that if they ask how I am there's a good chance I'll fall apart. 

Of course, I think that (most) people are genuinely concerned and mean well, but you are so right that it is draining, It's also deeply personal - you don't always want to pour your heart and soul out, but the usual 'fine thanks' isn't right either...

For me, there are a few people that I will give an honest answer to. I think there are some people who really do want to know and want to help, and if you think it will help you, then do lean on them. My answer at the moment is that I think I'm doing OK - but that's OK given the dreadful circumstances we are all in. So, I cry every day for the lovely man I've lost and the future we don't have, and I'm trying to be gentle and look after myself. I'm a little further on this sad journey than you - my husband died in April, just a few weeks after his diagnosis. But I still find it hard when people ask how I am, and will often just look to move the conversation on. 

Everyone is different though - I've been reading a lot about grief, and I know that lots of people find it upsetting when people stop asking - as if they expect you to have moved on. But for me, I think maybe because I am quite private, I really don't want to go deep with people who aren't my closest friends and family. 

Sending love and best wishes xx

Thank you Sandpiper, it's good to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. 

Take care

Love and hugs xx

Hi there, my husband passed on the 4th of August and I can completely emphasise. We live in a village, so there is no escape. One ‘friend’ of ours, decided to put the news out on facebook {without my permission}. I am not on social media, and am quite a private person. I was busy consoling our adult children, arranging the funeral and generally trying to survive. I kept getting people from the village coming up to me. It was so bloody intrusive and I was extremely angry. I feel a bit calmer now, {amongst the tears}. I am escaping out of the village to exercise our dog, and try to go where people don’t know me. Sorry for the rant. 

Rant away Kate,

Being in a small village must be hard.

I just don't know what to say to people.. do i say......I'm ok (I'm not).... I'm surviving (just)

I did find my Facebook post, a great help coz it told lots of people in one go and I taged my husband, so told some of his friends, I didn't know.

But that's awful that 'your friend' took that choice away from you, I'm sure they had good intentions..... but just ask. 

Enjoy getting out with your dog...... apparently it's ment to help, we've got 2 cats maybe I need to take them walking lol. 

Here if u need to chat

Xx

Thank you for your understanding. The answer would have been a big No. I contacted everyone that was important to my husband, by going through his contacts on his mobile. I accept that perhaps I am being unfair, but it has upset our adult children greatly. Does anyone get this rage that overtakes them at times ? I can get very angry very quickly, I am working on it. I started Group Bereavement Counselling via St Barnabas last week. It is an outlet for my emotions, and we can all express our suffering. Tomorrow, the Bereavement Counsellor has asked us to bring in pictures of our loved ones. That should be interesting. Living the Dream. 

I think I'd like to go to a group, just gotta find the right one. 

Glad you've found a safe place, to talk, cry, vent!

You're not being unfair its your grief and you should be able to tell who you want and how you want to. Sorry this was taken away for you all. 

I find I'm short tampered/short of patience, with most people even my mum. I just can't do people  

Love and hugs

I agree. I feel exactly the same. When I need to do a food shop or get petrol, I check to see if the coast is clear. The hardest time at the moment is bedtime. Then it all crowds in, and I can’t stop crying. I am either crying myself to sleep or waking up crying from a horrible dream, about the circumstances of my husband’s death in the hospice. I wonder if it gets any easier ?

.

I hate bedtime, my head spins with too much information and memories and I hate getting out of bed to face another day! 

Apparently it's ment to get easier/we cope better...... but when?? 

Xx

It is shocking at how intense the grief is, isn’t it. Sometimes, I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I just don’t know what to focus on anymore. The only reason I can come up with is ‘for our children’. Have you found anything helpful at all ? Sending Love and Hugs.