My mental health

Our mental health isn’t something many people think of. 
They see our grief. Our tears. Some may see our flashes of anger. But our inner turmoil is hidden. Our pain and guilt and emptiness unseen except by those in the same horrendous place.

I saw my GP and told him I was struggling.  
To accept. To sleep. To eat. To process. 
He booked me in to see the surgery mental health nurse whilst waiting for counselling. 
She was incredible. A true unsung hero. 
She let me ramble and snot-cry. 
Because I had said I only wanted face to face counselling there was quite a wait of a few months. I thought I would have lost control by then!  
I had mentioned that I was finding throwing paint at paper in a vain attempt at art, trying to see an image in amongst all the splodges, a little therapeutic. As in my mind was occupied with something other than trying to comprehend that my beautiful Valen was not in the kitchen. 
So the nurse and GP got me in to see an Art Therapist. One to one, face to face for 8 weeks. 

The first 3 weeks was mostly tears and unanswerable questions. 
From week 4 we started to express my feelings in paint and doodles. 
I got to cry without frightening anyone. To talk about my guilt. To tell someone that I had not tried CPR, but everyone assumed I had. To tell a stranger how I couldn’t cope. 
To talk about my beautiful Valen. Our lost hopes, dreams, future. 
In a safe environment. 

Because I went the art therapy route, at The St Elizabeth Hospice, (even though Valen never got to the stage of needing them) I was seen within 4 weeks of the referral. 
If I had waited for conventional counselling it would have been 26 weeks.

Can you speak to your GP to explore different routes?

Hi Aunty Debs, I am worried about you. Have you got anyone that could come and stay with you for a bit ? Kate. Xxx

Thank you so much for your reply. I will definitely ask my GP about this option but unfortunately in Cornwall we seem to be sadly lacking in help but I will ask. I was told because grieving is a process it’s basically not a mental health issue, I want to tell them they should try it & it would soon change their minds

I am going to see my sister tomorrow. I have great support but unfortunately it’s just not the type of support I need. Thanks for your thoughts, please believe I am safe with my mind but it gets dark & scary. I wouldn’t want anyone in my family to feel like I do so I will be hanging around , I just really need professional help too  

That’s good to hear. The depth of pain is overwhelming at times. We want to be on our own in one way, in another way, we need physical, mental and emotional support. Sending hugs to all. Kate.xxx

Aunty Debs, i don't know how far into this sh*t journey but I was told you only get offered counselling after a few months if you're struggling or have " cmplex" grief. ( isn't all grief complex?). So I haven't accessed much yet. (9 weeks since I lost my Tony to a rare sarcoma). I do go to art therapy offered by the hospice, I'm not in the least bit artistic but it is helping as its a very small group. I do go to a bereavement group, do you have anything like that? I also joined Way up which is an online group of people who are widowed. They do meet up sadly none here I live.

I am finding safety in places where there are others who just get it and don't jugdge or give silly advice.

I've had a tough couple of weeks and weekends are the hardest of all.

Hugs to you x

Hi lovely, I’m 4 months in & as you say isn’t all grief complicated. My problem is in Cornwall we don’t seem to have easily available help, I have some avenues to go down at the moment so wish me luck. I have been to a group 6 week course but I think it was too early, I didn’t take much in because I just wept the whole time. Nice being with people who understand xx

Hi Aunty Debs,

I am sorry you are on this path. My Doctor got me in touch with my local hospice for counselling.  Who seemed to rush me in, I lost my Dad on Christmas day last year, then my wife on the 25th January. It might be worth a try. I did get told by a talking therapist I had to wait 8 weeks, they just did phone calls.  Take care and look after yourself. 

I did apply for talking therapy & they told me they don’t do bereavement & if in a years time I’m depressed still or suicidal they can talk to me then  

I really hope you do manage to get some help I have been lucky to have a call each week currently through the hospice that my husband was in. I do struggle to be honest with family how I am feeling but I can talk and share with the counsellor and I feel supported.  I keep my grief and feelings quite close but have opened up to her my husband and I would always be there for each other and he’s not here now. What I do after these calls I don’t know yet …

Can you speak to your docs admittedly mine gave me a list of useless things and classes that didn’t work or suit me as we are all different.  I had to personally go out of my comfort zone which is not easy to find a way forward through this whole painful experience. I have personally found some books helpful that people have suggested on here in the past and at the moment Jim Carey’s on a you tube video talking about grief quote video (search for ) is for me a go to also. 

Some work places offer bereavement counselling services