It’s been a while

Hello Murren, your post touched me and I wanted to reply to it. I think I understand very well what you are saying.I don't think we ever get over this awful loss. I am only two years down the line, but feel I have shifted sideways and Barry is with me I feel.  We learn just to keep going I suppose, but it is hard sometimes. I haven't met anyone else but I probably never will. It took me a long time to meet Barry, and he is a hard act to follow !!! I am fine on my own, luckily. Just a lovely cat which suits me fine. This forum has been an absolute godsend and I have turned to it many times. Grief is exhausting though, and not everyone understands that, especially if you haven't been there yourself.  I hope you will be okay and our thoughts are with you. I hope you have family and/or a friend to confide in. Keep strong and the phrase " it's okay not to be okay " is still pertinent. Take care 

Hugs for you.

Hi, think I was just having a wee moment ! 
I am comfortable with my own company, I surprised myself at how independent and capable I could be. Clearly was paying attention while helping hubby with DIY about the house as I’ve managed to do most of the maintenance myself, I know my limits though lol. I have family which are my world and I have lovely friends, but they have their own lives and I am not their responsibility which is how it should be  I have my job and my cat  I know I’m  lucky, I understand some don’t have these things in their lives and I really appreciate what I do have. I am for the most part happy, I feel my hubby around me and that he is somehow looking after me which is comforting. I push myself to do things and go places and in general life is good.

Its just a feeling that comes over sometimes that I’m standing still and life is passing by. I think we grieve for the life we were supposed to have with our loved one. 

Yes I think you're right about grieving for the future life, we've had taken away.....and not by choice.

Sending you hugs, you're doing great!

xx

Thank you. All this time has gone by and it still sneaks up and makes your eyes leak ! But that’s love and grief. 

Hello Murren!

I am just coming up to 15 months from losing my husband to bowel cancer last June (2023). I has just never crossed my mind about being with someone else and I don't go looking for that. I am like everyone else here happy with my own company. You can come and go as you please and do what you want and have no one to answer to. I have always been a bit of a `lone wolf` and don't have a lot of friends but I'm fine with that. For most of the 40 years we were together it was just Jay (my late husband) and me. I have a son who has his partner and their beautiful little girl- my little granddaughter she just turned 4 years old last week they live not too far away from me.  My son and his partner get married in February next year so that gives me something to work towards. He and his fiance met 10 years ago so it marks a milestone for them too when they get married. I am just so sad that his dad will not be here to see it but unfortunately neither will his fiance's mother. Her mother passed in April this year also from cancer. My sister has just been given the all clear on her cancer diagnosis so that is a bit of good news. She got a bowel cancer diagnosis just two months after Jay passed but fortunately they got hers in its very early stages and were able just to cut it out without the need for post chemo or radiotherapy. Ironically she got breast cancer 5 years ago and that was caught in the early stages also. She has learning difficulties and a few mental health issues going on too so I look after her. She doesn't live with me but is in  sheltered housing accomodation and is within walking distance from me. She has the alarm call system in her flat and there is a warden who lives onsite so I know she is safe and I am nearby if needed. 

The grief has just started to hit with me in the last couple of months. I wasn't able to cry for Jay at the beginning and thought it not normal. When he was going through his treatment I thought I would never stop. Just recently in the last couple of months though I have been having little outbursts of crying for what I feel is no reason but then realise this is it happening and it's like a release and relief to get it all out as if I have been waiting for it to happen and I feel just that little bit better when it has happened. I hope you see a way forward for yourself and wish you all the best in doing so. Take Care. 

Vicky x