Struggling to cope several years on !

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on in ages but felt the need tonight. It's been 5 years and 8 months since my Gilles died. I've spent the better part of these years alone and lonely. Over the past two years I've had quite a few visitors come and spend time with me and that has been great. I've also made a few friends along the way and I've learnt to appreciate people more than I've ever done before.

But, like you all, I continue to miss my husband; the hole remains and can never be filled. I relate to the feelings of fear and despair when things go wrong;; the vulnerability of being a woman who can be easily ripped  off; the helplessness in the face of artisans who hit you with exorbitant fees.for repairs that cost nothing before. I continue to miss the true sense of companionship I felt with Gilles and the easiness of his company. It saddens me to know that I wiill never experience that again.

Like PattyK, big projects are daunting. I would love to buy a flat on this island where I now work and reside but am so afraid of making such a huge decision by myself. Gilles was my guide and compass. he had a sense of which direction to take in life. Noone can ever advise me like he did as noone , obviously, is as implicated in my life as he was. Only natural.

I don't want to paint a totally negative picture. I've had some good, meaningful moments with all types of people who have shown up in my life. People have been good to me, as I'm sure they've been to you all too. I try to imagine Gilles is not too far away and that, somehow, he's partaking in whatever I'm doing. I don't think it matters if its 14 months, three years or seven years that our person has gone. It's just the painful reality of the loss that counts.

I do wish everyone here will attain some measure of peace. 

If I've rambled and repeated things already said by others, forgive me. I think i need to vent.

Hi Limbo!

You vent away all you like it's what these forums are for and think we all `get` what everyone is going through as we have all been there and you're not rambling just expressing yourself in what needs to be said and identifying with others here.  Just keep coming here when you feel the need to as we all do. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Hello lovely Scottish person ! Just reading some of the posts about us getting things done in the house. Rings quite a bell with me ! And all in a foreign country. But I have achieved more than I thought possible. Yes, the cowboys are here too !! My roof has been a major problem here. Taken forever. 4 months later still not finished. Raining today and it is still leaking. My face is sore and red again. Stressed. There is also one person here who really upsets me and I get knots in my stomach when he is about. This is my roofer. Speaks quickly and technical language that I don't understand! Well just to say, we're all in the same boat really. Trying to cope.

One day at a time.

Hugs to you Take care.