What now

hi 

1st of May 2024 we were told my husband has metastatic kidney cancer to bowel and liver no treatment is possible so palliative care 

12th of August 2024 my darling husband passed away I am beyond heart broken what now I’m going through the motions arranging a funeral flowers being delivered cards arriving friends calling round to visit we’re all in shock I was with my husband at the end I was sleeping in a recliner chair beside his bed I woke up at 02:30 and he was so peaceful he had just fallen asleep I took his hand it was still warm so he must have just passed I was so grateful he was at peace and not in pain I kissed him good night and told him I loved him

what now how do I go on without him  we never got time to get over the fact he was ill and in 3 months I watched him fail I don’t know if he came to terms with everything he kept saying we just have to get on with it live life every day the best we can how is that even possible our days were taken over by doctors Distric nurses MacMillan nurse trying to keep him comfortable draining fluid from him and trying to keep positive when we knew there only ever was one outcome that every day we got nearer too

i am so grateful that in the end he was taken into hospital we would never have coped with the pain that he was in in his final days he needed the care and support from the nurses as I felt so out of my Depth and scared that I would not cope  or not be able to help him in the end however he died peacefully with just the two of us in his room I will be forever grateful to the girls in the hospital they were amazing the care that they showed my husband and I was amazing 

now I have to learn to breathe again and put one foot in front of the other and live a life alone without my beautiful husband my best friend my sole mate I think it will be long road 

C x