Loss of husband

Dear Tuesday, I’m sending you a huge hug, which I know won’t ease your pain. My husband had bowel cancer and died on the 17th June. We have no children. Yes I understand the being alone in the house; every object has its own memories and associations.... and all the clothes! I look at each jumper, pair of shoes, scarf, t-shirt and think of him. Some things still have his smell. Palliative care offered me counseling. I have had one session so far and it did me good to talk to someone. Best wishes to you.

Hi Thankyou for the reply and the hugs . The palliative care nurse did say to get back in contact on 3 weeks if I’m still struggling so I’ll do that . Iv got family events coming up that I don’t want to attend but I know I must try . Feel so alone . I never saw this coming 

Bless You Tuesday!

My condolences to you on the loss of your husband. This is the place to be when you feel like this although the majority of us I'm sure wish we didn't have to be here. We all get what one another is going through. I have just seen off the first year `milestone` of losing my husband to bowel cancer in June last year and it has just sort of hit me now. I have been very emotional over the last couple of weeks and I think it is now a realisation that he is gone and not coming back. For me in a way it is a `release` because it's as if it is something I have been waiting to happen because I felt that in the past year I have not been able to grieve for him properly. My older sister just got a a cancer diagnosis just two months after my husband passed. Her diagnosis was not as serious as my husband's and they took her in last October and cut her tumour out which was quite small and she did not have the need for any pre or post chemo or radiotherapy. She had breast cancer 5 years ago and beat that also. Just recently though she had had to go for a bone and CT scan so fingers crossed everything is still ok. She has slight learning difficulties and lives not far from me within walking distance. She lives in sheltered acommodation because of her disability and ocassionally she will come along and stay a few days with me. 

My son's partner just lost her mother to cancer also at the end of April this year so everything within the last year has been very triggering. I hope the bereavement counselling will help I have had some counselling arranged through here with Marie Curie I had 6 free telephone sessions with them and it helped just to have someone check in on you once a week or whenever you preferred just to make sure you are ok and just to chat. I'm only just over a year in as I said but can't tell you if it will get easier we all deal with grief differently as you know. It has become `slightly` better for me now but I'm still adjusting. I'm slowly but surely getting rid of his stuff and putting things aside I want to keep and you're right you'll see an item of clothing maybe you remember seeing them in and it does hit you. You still see them wearing that T shirt or jacket or jumper but just know it'll never be worn by him again so goes to charity or sell it online. Jay (my husband) was a terrible one for me buying him clothes to wear that would just lie in the wardrobe with the labels still attached and just pile up so I have got rid of most of them because it's stuff I've not seen him wearing so it's been easier for me to get rid of those. He wasn't really that fashion conscious. Please come on here when you feel you need to as I said we all `get it`. Take Care and Best Wishes to you in this horrible journey of moving forward. 

Vicky 

Hi and Thankyou for your message . I’m sorry for the delay in replying . I have been struggling a bit and we have had family events just on top of his funeral . In some ways maybe this was good but I felt so alone . However I saw them through . I’m back at my sisters for a few nights as Saturday was a hard day but I’m going home again tomorrow. I may do that for a bit just come and go . My sister had bowel cancer also but hopefully like your sister just an op no chemo etc . I hope her scan results are fine . Yes the belongings …. That’s what upset me at the weekend . His hoodie and bits but he has two brothers so when  I’m ready they are going to have some if the newer stuff . I just don’t know what to do with myself . How did you get the counselling ? People told me I’d feel better after funeral but I don’t . I’m glad you feel a release too . I’m hoping I may do at some point xx kind regards 

I am sadly in the same situation as you. My husband died 3 weeks ago tomorrow. He was also only 54 and had lung cancer despite never having smoked. Although he was ill for a long time, the end came very quickly and he went downhill dramatically in the last few weeks of his life. Watching him suffer was just unbelievably hard. We have three children so I am trying to hold things together to look after them and at the moment can’t quite face my own grief. The thought of the rest of my life without him does not seem real to me. I know i will need to face it at some point but for now I am just keeping really busy (not sure that is the best plan but I can’t allow myself to fall apart because of the children). Life is so cruel sometimes. 

Hi Thankyou for the reply . I’m so sad for you and your situation . My husband also went downhill very quick towards the end . Within a week . Such a cruel disease . My children are adults so they are more looking after me than the other way round . (Im 64) but im sure there is advice and help on here regarding grieving with your children . Please have a look and do you have any family to help ? Or friends . I get why you’re saying though , in some ways they help you carry on . Kind regards 

Hi Tuesday!

If you phone the MacMillan helpline here they will be able to advise you as to the counselling. I got 6 free sessions as I said through Marie Curie back in January this year. As I have been struggling a bit again due to the one year milestone just passing I can apply again for it if I feel I need it. They are the best people to contact in the first instance. Take Care and Best Wishes. 

Vicky x