Life seems pointless

Hello Estweyn

Firstly I am really sorry to hear that you lost Steve to cancer in March. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you and the rest of your family. I remember when my Mum died from cancer (many years ago now) that for the first few months I felt very numb and was just plodding on really. Doing the things I needed to do each day but varied between feeling very flat to being teary. 

Looking back, although I did feel like I was only going through the motions having that small bit of daily routine did help. I found in my own family we all reacted in different ways at different times and in fact there is no right or wrong way to feel. Talking to each other was important but as a Mum with a 5 years old at the time- it was the getting up, doing the normal routine for him and continuing with my work routine that in time did help. Without doing those little things and meeting other people, i think I would have been in a worse state and would have gone downhill fast.

This forum is a good place to share how you are feeling and to get support from others who are in similar situations. If talking things through would help then please do give the Support Line a call. They can also do a search in your local area to see if there is any support near to you that may help. Some people find Home - Cruse Bereavement Support and I know that I did for a time. 

Hope this helps a bit

Jane

Hey Estwyn!

I echo everything Jane has just said to you. I lost my husband in June last year to bowel cancer. Friday just there one year ago I held his funeral. You will be feeling flat, teary down etc everything Jane described but this it seems is normal. This weekend I am feeling very down because it marks another landmark for me- his funeral and yes sometimes you feel no matter how busy and occupied you try to keep yourself you have that constant feeling of `emptiness` some days I still wonder why I am getting out of bed. I have a little dog so he is my reason as he needs walked and fed. I too have a little granddaughter who I look after occasionally mainly at weekends when my son gets the chance of overtime and Saturday is a regular shift day for his fiance. She just lost her mother in April this year to cancer also so it has been all around me over this last year as my sister had a bowel cancer diagnosis two months after Jay (my husband) passed but she is recovering ok and goes for regular follow up checks etc. 

Grief can affect us all in different ways. For me that first year is now over but I can't say if I feel any different. Some people will get over it sooner some it takes longer and some learn to live with it. I don't know what category I could put myself in just yet. As Jane says also please keep coming on here. These forums are good if you need to let of steam or vent, shout or scream as we all get what one another is going through and can relate and contact the helplines at MacMillan either through phone or chatline they may be able to offer you some counselling if you feel you need it. I had 6 free counselling sessions arranged here through MacMillan which were conducted over the telephone and it is up to you how often you want someone to contact you weekly, fortnightly etc. Just having someone who understands checking in on you just for a chat is help in itself. My best wishes to you going forward. Take Care. 

Vicky 

I know exactly how you feel my wife died last November to cancer and most days I can’t wait to join her I’ve got multiple sclerosis which I know is not terminal like cancer just deliberating I relied on Carol for so much now I have no one except my son but he has his own life and can’t be here all the time.

Hello Estwyn im Dave. Im so sorry that you have needed to join this forum. My situation is almost identical my Dear Linda left me on 4th April gone  i also have a dog which is the main thing keeping me going. I had Bowel cancer in 2022 had treatment and surgery and recovered. Then Decemberr 23 Linda was diagnosed with Lung Cancer which spread quickly and sadly passed away after 4 very short months. We had no indication that death was imminent and i had had a scan check up on bowel 1 week before so day after she passed a doctor rang to say that there was no sign of cancer in my bowel but they found a tumor in my right lung which was 95% sure to be cancer. I had an op to remove 40% of my right lung 5 weeks ago which didnt go to well. Sorry im rambling on but my point is that whether the cancer is gone or not i am having no more surgery. My feelings now are let it come i wish i didnt have the op . If i had left it go i could be that much nearer to joining my dearest Lin. I would never actively harm myself but if cancer wants to get me that bad then i will be happy to go and find her. This life seems so pointless now after 50 wonderfull years the end cant come soon enough. Sorry to of made this all about me i wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in how you feel but all my resentment at life came out. I really hope you can find some peace in your future and sone reason to find a purpose in life i'm sure i will get feelings for life again in the future but right now i cant imagine when or why. Best of luck. Dave.

Hi  Jane, thankyou for your words. I think I may well contact Cruse and thank you for the link.

Family are so important to me too, but they are recovering at their own speed and I do try not to give them cause to worry about me. As I replied to Jane, I think I will try the Cruse bereavement group. I hope you feel more at ease with your loss.

It is very hard, I fully understand where you are coming from and appreciating your son has a life too. It’s like a double blow for you, losing your wife and the person who cared for you. Thank you for replying.

That’s a hard one to bear. They say everything happens for a purpose but for the life of me I can’t imagine what the purpose is of taking a good honest man when there are so many scumbags in this world.  I can fully understand you feeling that if cancer wants you so be it. I’m seriously hoping I won’t be on my own too long before I join Steve, this bit of my life is just as stop gap. People say you have many good memories but they are just like daggers in me now, remembering our life is just too painful at the moment. I wish you well. 

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear your news, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife in April this year, and I feel the way you do. Muddling through life trying my best to 'keep going' for her sake, but it's difficult.

Going through a phase of wondering what's the point, my life had no meaning. I'm combatting those feelings by attempting a list my wife left for me of things we wanted to do together, knowing how much she wanted it helps drive me forward, despite the feeling of despair. 

We're all here to help each other, to talk, get things of our chests etc, there's some lovely people on here who offer lovely words of support and encouragement. 

Feel free to chat anytime, always here, always listening

Craig