Newly widowed and I can’t stop crying

Hello Marmy!

I am so sorry for your loss. I am now just over two and half years in from losing my husband to bowel cancer in June 2023. I wrote previously on this post but at the time I was only a year on from losing him. A lot has happened in that 2 and half years. Our son got married in February last year and my 2nd little granddaughter was born in October last year a few life events he sadly missed. My oldest little granddaughter started school last August too and he said he wanted to be here for that but of course cancer had other ideas for him. It's things like this I really miss him for as well as the little things. Even this far on I still get my black days/weeks and when little nice things happen he's not here for me to share them with and I just think it is all so unfair. We used to do lots together too. We went to the gym together as well and I have started going back there on my own again. It took me 18 months after he passed and it was really strange walking through the door without him. I remember the girls on the desk telling me I had done the hard part actually getting through the door and now I just needed to get my membership updated. We used to go for games of badminton as well. This was all because he had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and he had to get his weight down but it was just at the end of 2020 when his cancer symptoms began to surface he was just combating starting to get his weight down and then that happened. `Sods Law` I think they call it.  I've started driving again after many years of not being able to I had to get the all clear from the GP to do that. It was one of his final wishes that I go back to it so I could have my independence. I am carer for my older sister now too she has learning difficulties and mental health issues. She lives in sheltered accommodation within walking distance from me. I couldn't have her live with me permanently but I have her stay over with me periodically. She can live independently but needs my help for certain things. 

I won't lie to you it is hard at the beginning and it is very early days for you so everything will be very raw for you at the minute but moreso as you say if you were both together more or less 24/7. Its a shame you have no direct family but each to their own on that as you said. I can't tell you when things will get better for you because we all grieve at different paces. You may begin to feel a `slight shift` as time goes on. Good that you are getting out and being with people but as you said you both enjoyed your exercise that is half the battle, Just take your time for now and each day as it comes and just come here when you feel the need as we all get it and are a good support for one another. I wish you well moving forwards. Take Care. 

Vicky x