Newly widowed and I can’t stop crying

I lost my husband 8 months ago but I struggled to cry apart from the odd few tears in the first 2 months . Looking back I can see now I was totally numb and in some kind of denial. Roll on 2 months and the floodgates opened and I really understood what the word heartbroken really meant , after about 6 weeks of crying at everything and anything I was persuaded by a family member to start walking and swimming with them. It really did help me. I still have a few tears most days , random things will just set me off but I just let the tears flow and then I’m ok again. 

It’s very early days for you and remember we all grieve in our own way and in our own time . I was with my husband since we were both 18 and married for 41 years so I understand how you feel when you say how you feel like half of you is missing and I also just wanted to be with him but slowly I am getting stronger and have started to make some progress in the right direction and the really bad days are becoming less frequent. 

There are some lovely people on this forum , so never feel that you are alone. 

Sending hugs x

Hi Iceberg!

I was in your position exactly 12 months ago. I have been unable to cry much for my husband which I find really odd because when he was in his final days and going through his treatment I thought I would never stop.  He fought his bowel cancer for almost 2 years. Grief has no time limit and people deal with it in different ways people can get over it and learn to live with it in a few months for others it can take a few years but some just don't get over losing a loved one. Please remember if you feel you need to, to contact the helplines here at Macmillan who will help you through this. I have reached out to a few organisations in the last year here being one of them. I had six free counselling sessions with Marie Curie organised here through MacMillan. Just having someone check in with you each week  to find out how you are helped a lot just having someone who understood helped a lot. My best wishes to you going forward. 

Vicky x

So sorry you need to be here. 

I cried every day for well over a year . I too slept on the settee but one night it just popped into mind that the bed would be more comfortable. 

There's no quick and easy way to get through the pain and loss. 

Take care 

Greetings Iceberg,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I understand and feel the pain.  My husband died 10 May.  I have never cried so much, and it hasn’t stopped.  All through my day, I am continually talking to him, longing for his presence, his company, his knowledge.  I wonder how I can manage without him.  I too find sleeping harder.  Like you, we slept in separate beds but at least he was nearby and there.  Like your husband, he didn’t want to disturb me.  Now I have a horrible time getting to sleep.  If I get 2 hour stretch of sleep, I’m doing well.  I often wake up and cry.

I have no family here … all in US (and I haven’t been there since before covid and then husband’s terminal prognosis).  Likewise I don’t have any friends, at least not locally, some acquaintances.  So I am on my own, no partner, no companionship.  I’ve gone for walks, I talk to him, wish he were there.  He knows so much about birds, nature and wildlife.

I’m sorry you too have to travel this cruel and lonely path.  At least here, there are many others who are dealing with the same thing.

WildBird

Hello I am new to the group too I also lost my husband of 40 yrs to lung cancer on the 30 th June 

he was diagnosed in march and the last 4 months  have been  utterly devastating  I and my family are beyond  heartbroken

i too cannot stop crying everything around me reminds me of him and I miss him so much, more the little things ,talking in the mornings  ,sharing my days and little bits of trivia or just commenting and even his terrible jokes, my heart aches and my stomach churns incessantly,I feel angry ,sad lonely most of all

life will never be the same for me , I keep telling my dog it’s just me and her now . People mean well and keep saying well he is not in pain anymore or he has gone on to a better place  but I feel just so angry sometimes with him and say out loud to him “why did you have to leave me on my own” 

it’s very raw right now for me I know that it will get easier or I’ll learn to live with it eventually but atm it’s so hard and the funeral will be soon which will be the hardest day of all and I think I will be relieved when it’s over with

Aww Hi JanyeDee!

Reading your post I can identify with this so much. One year to the day this coming Friday I held my husbands funeral. He passed last June (2023) after a two fight with bowel cancer at one time going into remission only for it to cruelly return only months later and decided it wasn't leaving without him a second time. My house is so quiet now he was such a big presence everyone keeps telling me the happy go lucky type.  He was one of those of people you heard him before you saw him he had this big booming foghorn voice and even sitting next you he would shout not speak to you and as often I had to tell him to `bring it down a decibel` and I was just sitting next to him. He was someone who would speak to anyone and do things for anyone We were together for 40 years and it can at times be hard to navigate getting used to a `new me` after having someone by my side for all those years. Lots of things I miss we were constantly winding each other up and he made me laugh a lot he would just give me a certain look that would send me into fits of laughter. He was a very private person too and social gatherings were never his thing but each to their own on that. Little things like holding hands walking along the road etc I miss that too. We had so much planned for our later years but cancer just robbed us of all that. He did get to be grandad that he so much wanted but only got to see the first two years of our little granddaughters life. He was adamant that he would be here to see her go to school next year but again cancer robbed him of seeing that. 

I have a little dog too. He is my reason for getting out of bed in the morning. He was My husband's dog. A little Border Terrier he was a Christmas gift from myself and my son 11 years ago. When Jay (my husband) was in his final days in hospital I asked if I could take `Jack` in to see him as he was missing him terribly and they said it would be possible but of course he passed before I had the chance to do that. 

I can't say just now if things have got better. They have got `slightly easier` I have managed to do certain things on my own things that Jay would have usually have seen to `man things` I say like seeing to the car things like that. There are still things I want to do but some days you are full of good intentions to get them done but some days the incentive to do so is just not there. Grief they say affects people in different ways some can get over it quicker than others and some just don't and some just learn to live with it. I don't know yet what category I could put myself into with that but hoping things will get better for me eventually. My best wishes to you moving forwards.

Vicky x

 It’s so hard those first few weeks , I don’t think there is anything I can say that will make you feel any better but hang on in there and just get through one day at a time.I’m nearly 9 months down the line after losing my husband of 41 years and I am just starting to try and get some sort of life back. I’m doing things that 6 months ago would have been impossible for me so I have come a long way without realising it.

sending hugs x 

I can totally relate to this. I just posted about this very thing. My first post. I'm new.