After battling metastatic kidney cancer for 3 years my Husband passed away on 8th May. He had been admitted to hospital 3 weeks prior and I was told at that point that he may not come home. They discovered a new Adreanal tumour whist he was in hospital and he also went into heart and kidney failure, he was the sickest I have ever seen him. He came home for palliative care with a prognoses of 3 months but a week later he passed away in a hospice. I knew it was coming. I had hoped he would be comfortable, restful, peaceful and slip away in his sleep but the reality of his death was fear and pain. He was desperately trying to take a breath, he knew what was happening and he fought it to the end.
I am traumatised by witnessing this and my reaction at the time was one of panic and hysterics. I did pull my self together enough to hold his hand and talk to him as he took his last breaths, I hope he knew I was there.
4 weeks on and I’m back at work, the cremation has been done and I have his ashes back home. Life is getting back to normal on the surface but nothing is the same. My house feels strange, I feel people look at me differently. I haven’t even begun to sort out his personal things, I can’t face it.
When do things get better? When will the trauma of the past few weeks start to fade?
