First posting

Hi, my husband also passed away 9 months ago. Life is hard and like you I cry at some point everyday and don't feel able to cope when things don't go right.

I'm starting to really notice the support becoming less and less. I understand everyone has their own lives and life moves on but not for us. I went to a function with friends at the weekend and one said ah well this is the first one, after this you'll be fine now. Do they really think it's that easy if only. 

Routine helps, I work part time and walk my dog daily. 

I'd  like to say it's getting easier but it's not.

Thinking of you and everyone else in this dismissal place.

Hello Justjane,

Sorry you too are in this situation. It is nearly four months, since I lost my husband and best friend of 37 years.

I find no one understands, except for others that have sadly lost their partners. I find myself getting cranky, when people say "I know what your going through".

Keeping busy helps I've found. It just helps to stop you thinking about things constantly. 

I find the sadness can hit at anytime, usually when you least expect it.

People keep asking me to go out, but I don't want to. I like being home with my dog and children, it just feels safe? I don't know why.

Take Care and I hope things get a bit easier for you.

Thank you for your reply,  I agree that walking the dogs helps.

I don't think people understand how losing your husband and best friend affects every single thing you do.

I am trying to get into a new routine, but that alone is hard as I want my old routine not a new one 

Thank you for your reply, like you I don't want to go out as I feel like a part of me is missing x

Being home with my dogs makes me feel safe x

Hi, this is my first time posting. My husband died 2 months. Having read some of the post I have found some comfort, reading other people’s experiences and emotions really touches home.
I too try to keep busy I find it helps then a massive wave of grieve overwhelms me, and I think what’s the point! Friends and family help but no one really knows how it feels to lose your husband, lover and best friend.

After 3 years of illness I had a full liver transplant in April last year, six months after the operation my husband was diagnosed with cancer. So as I was getting better he was getting worse. Then a week before the first anniversary of my transplant he died.  I feel so guilty I survived and he didn’t. He fought hard for my transplant, I tried hard to help him but I failed 

sorry for waffling on but it, helps writing it down

Hello Justjane

Nice to see you here although it is somewhere most of us don't want to be. What you describe sounds just about right. A week this coming Sunday (23rd June) is the first  anniversary of my husband's passing from bowel cancer. A week this coming Friday (21st June- the longest day!) would have been our wedding anniversary. He just held on for that and no more last year and then passed two days later although for how he was at the end up I don't even think he knew what day of the week it was let alone our anniversary but, he was here and saw it out and that was the main thing. He fought his bowel cancer for almost two years at one point going into remission only for it to come back with a vengeance only months later and this time decided it wasn't leaving without him a second time. 

Yes, you will feel you just want to run away. When my husband was going through his treatment and I knew he only had limited time, I didn't want to be here and my attitude back then was `if he is not going to be here soon, then I don't want to be either` but I sourced help and some counselling and coming on here helps too. Going on to various helplines showed me that I do have people I need to be here for. I have a son who lives with his partner and little girl not far from me and I have an older sister she lives within walking distance from me in sheltered accomodation as she has learning difficulties. She is independent to an extent, but needs me for other things. Not long after my husband passed she too got a diagnosis of bowel cancer but her's was not as serious as my husband's they were able to cut her tumour out which was very small and did not need chemo or radiotherapy and she is going on to make a full recovery. So it has been a very challenging year for me I had that as well as trying to grieve for my husband. 

I still feel I am trying to find a `new me` after having someone by my side for 40 years. Days I still can't believe he is gone and days I still wake up and realise that he has. Some days are still overwhelming and some days are better. I still have that `empty feeling` which I hope will eventually leave me no matter how busy or occupied I try to keep that feeling is still there. Something will happen maybe something good or nice and I just wish he were here to share it with. I've managed to achieve little things on my own things my husband would maybe deal with like seeing to the car servicing etc and managed to do all that. My son has just lost his future mother-in-law to cancer also. She just passed at the end of April so it was a bit `triggering` all over again for me. 

I have a little dog too. He I can say is my reason for getting up in the morning as he needs to be walked. He was my husband's dog a Christmas gift from my son and myself 11 years ago. When my husband was in hospital near the end I asked if I could take the dog in to hospital so he could see him as he was missing him. They allowed it but unfortunately my husband passed before we could get him in. So he is my wee companion now. 

I can't cry for my husband which I think is weird because when he was going through his treatment I thought I would never stop but since he has past, nothing. I feel if I had one bit outburst I would feel better. There is no `one size fits all` as they say when dealing with grief and people deal with it in different ways. I wish you well going forward and please keep coming on here when you feel you need to everyone here `gets` what one another is going through. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Thank you so much Vicky, your words were so very hard to read but also so very familiar to me.

The empty feeling along with the knot in my tummy are constant. 

I cry all the time but very rarely did in the two and half years Nigel was poorly. I felt like I had to be the strong one. 

I will keep coming back, I am already realising that the support is out there for me and others in my situation. 

Jane x