husband died recently

Hello. 

I am so sorry that you have joined this group. We can all understand how you are struggling and how you are feeling. This is a safe and very supportive place where you can vent, rage or just be sad. My husband died almost a year ago 18 months post diagnosis, I can't imagine only getting the two weeks that you had. I found this site helps me get through the empty days.

Look after yourself  

Sulubee

Hello RedCardinal!

So sorry for your loss. Yes this is a good place to come if you feel you need to write things down as you say and everyone here will `get it`. I am only weeks away until my husband's first anniversary of his passing on the 23rd June 2023. It has gone so quick but felt so long for me. Yes you will get that `empty feeling` even though you try to keep yourself occupied and busy that feeling for me is always there. We had 40 years together and it's just so hard to begin to try to navigate life on your own when you had someone by your side all those years. He fought bowel cancer for two years at one stage going into remission but it came back for him and decided it wasn't leaving without him a second time. I still wonder why I am getting up in the morning but I do and just put one foot in front of the other and try to take things a day at a time still. Is all we can do really I think. My best wishes to you going forward. Take Care

Vicky xx

Hi,

I'm very sorry to read your post. It's a horrible position to be in. My wife of 38 years died about seven months ago, and I still can't really believe it: my life feels destroyed. Like you, by the way, we don't have children - so I am now very much on my own.

If I can offer any 'advice', it's that what seems to have helped me has been talking to other people about what's happened, trying to remain physically active, and trying to remain socially active with friends. Writing about it does also help - as I hope you might have found out yourself.

I send you love, and best wishes. You are not alone.

Hi there, I feel your pain. I lost my wife at the end of April, she was the love of my life, my soulmate. After several years of ill health and negligence from our GP's, she was finally diagnosed in September 2022 with stage 4 metastatic gastric cancer. It's a long horrible story that I'm not ready to tell, but just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.

I'm completely broken, we did everything together. She left me a list of things she wants me to do, never complained and was the strongest person I've even known. I don't want to live without her, I've no idea how I'm going to go on with my life, but she made me promise to live it fully .

I managed to get out on my motorbike for a few hours today, had to drag myself out, but did it. My heart wasn't really in it, but I know my Sarah would be kicking my arse if I didn't. You have my thoughts and prayers 

I'm slowly improving, I have a routine which helps on a daily basis and serves to distract me. Like you I'm broken , our main hobby together was cycling but I can't face going on my own yet and I don't wish to join a club.

It would have been our 9th wedding anniversary last Saturday. I was dreading it but friends visited from away who had no idea . It was enormously helpful, and emotional but showed me I can survive these days without being a blubbering mess!

I'm normally a private, independant person so asking for help is very hard, but I am recognising that that is the only comfort others can give you in a practical sense.

I will know when I'm ready to face some things ,but as a very wise friend told "Don't set goals, cause if you don't meet them you will feel worse". 

Best wishes and thoughts, also a virtual hug.

I am so sorry to know what heartache you are feeling. When I lost my wife some years ago the only way I could express the heart ache and pain I was feeling was writing in a journal. I could not have spoken the words to anyone at all. I thought I could not visit the heartache I was feeling onto my own family who were grieving also. my journal what is the only outlet for me to let go. Writing was often difficult through eyes wet with tears. I don’t keep a journal anymore but looking back over those pages I realise how far I have progressed Though I still feel my loss very keenly at times.

I did attended counselling on and off for six years until I finally realised I had reached that point when I could leave counselling. I no longer needed the wonderful assistance that had been given to me,I had reached that stage that at times I thought I would never achieve. I realise how important counselling is and how much I really did need it. I pay tribute to the counsellors that helped me, they all have special qualities so sorely needed by so many.

I sincerely hope you find the support you have continues to give you strength to meet every new day.

Hello red cardinal - my experience is like yours. Incidental diagnosis at the end of Feb, due to start treatment in April but deteriorated very quickly and died a month ago. I sometimes stop and can't quite believe what has happened. We had the funeral last week which was heartbreaking but also managed to be a wonderful celebration. I swing between being very practical and getting on with things and then feeling overwhelming sadness. Like you, we don't have children, but do have friends and family who are there to support. But I need to spend a lot of time alone - I don't want to pretend that everything is normal when all our hopes and plans have been snuffed out. And I miss him so much.

I wish you the best in navigating this unwelcome new place.

So sorry for your loss,it is so hard. I totally understand the feeling of disbelief, and total bewilderment that this has happened.

Sometimes I think I'm coping ,the next I'm banjaxed by the enormity of it all, and the frightening prospect of the time ahead without him. Practical matters I can deal with, and having that routine distracts me. Like you I spend time alone, and I think I need that, but at the same time I long for the companionship we shared. Many of the things we did together I can't face yet, just catching up with the weeding nearly broke me. (he wasn't interested in gardening but always helped with the more physical aspects.) 

Virtual hugs and best wishes 

red cardinal said:

Many of the things we did together I can't face yet, just catching up with the weeding nearly broke me. (he wasn't interested in gardening but always helped with the more physical aspects.) 

Our house has a large garden. My wife loved it, and spent lots of time in it - but I have always viewed it as largely 'work'. Mostly, like your husband, I helped with the more physical aspects: lawn mowing; tree pruning; hedge clipping; etc.

Now that my wife is dead, I am determined to at least try to maintain the entire garden properly, in her memory. However, I don't really know what I am doing and, yesterday, when I was attempting to tidy up many of the flower beds, I was in tears. I miss my wife terribly.

Oh this is the same for me. My husband created a wonderful garden and it was very much his domain. I now find myself watching youtube videos so I can try to do justice to his work. I hope in time it will become therapeutic but it's very much mixed with the pain of loss as I wear his gloves and use his secateurs...